#1
Verse
Remember when I caught you crying,
The pains of life were wearing you down,
The next thing we knew I saw you trying,
To escape behind red lipstick and sexy evening gown.

Bridge
That’s why at night, you wait or you breakdown and cry
You don’t know why,
But when it’s light, oh how you flirt and smile
As if you are divine.

Verse
You dance and you drink with vigour,
You prayed that each drink would drown out your pain,
Soon as the attention changed, old memories trigger
And you find you’ve fallen right back down again.

Chorus
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the rest around me,
Carelessly exist without a care or fear of risk, and I said,
Why should all the rest dictate what’s best for you,
When they don’t even have a path that’s true so find yours

Instrumental

Verse
Now after these words I felt you fighting,
The truth that happiness lies in your hands
That you can achieve your dreams and lead the path of your direction,
Just live the day to day life commitments and the dream that heaven commands.

Bridge
That’s why at night, you break down and cry,
We both know why,
Because everyday you waste a golden chance to defy
Your addiction to a mediocre life.

Chorus
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the world around me,
Constantly renews our enforced views and flawed ideals, and I said
How can you accuse the world of flaws when you haven’t lived one day by virtue?
That’s the real cause.
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the rest around me,
Carelessly exist without a care or fear of risk, and I said,
Why should all the rest dictate what’s best for you,
When they don’t even have a path that’s true so find yours.

Thoughts?
Quite likes Corrine Bailey Rae's new album Don't hurt me.
#2
Verse
Remember when I caught you crying,
The pains of life were wearing you down,
had worn
would sound a little stronger to me, but it's okay the way you have it.

The next thing we knew I saw you trying,
To escape behind red lipstick and sexy evening gown.
syllable count seems high here. can you sing this without it seeming cluttered?

Bridge
That’s why at night, you wait or you breakdown and cry
You don’t know why,
But when it’s light, oh how you flirt and smile
How do you feel about
But in the light ...

As if you are divine.

Verse
You dance and you drink with vigour,
You prayed that each drink would drown out your pain,
Soon as the attention changed, old memories trigger
And you find you’ve fallen right back down again.
Instead of falling, maybe have her be worn down, so it connects to the opening?

Chorus
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the rest around me,
Carelessly exist without a care or fear of risk, and I said,
Why should all the rest dictate what’s best for you,
When they don’t even have a path that’s true so find yours
you ask / i said adds clutter and complication to the thought and flow.

Instrumental

Verse
Now after these words I felt you fighting,
The truth that happiness lies in your hands
That you can achieve your dreams and lead the path of your direction,
Just live the day to day life commitments and the dream that heaven commands.
Last two lines are very long. Are you sure about this?

Bridge
That’s why at night, you break down and cry,
We both know why,
Because everyday you waste a golden chance to defy
golden might be a bit strong, really
another seems more appropriate.

Your addiction to a mediocre life.

Chorus
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the world around me,
Constantly renews our enforced views and flawed ideals, and I said
How can you accuse the world of flaws when you haven’t lived one day by virtue?
That’s the real cause.
And you ask,
Why should I aspire to be my best when all the rest around me,
Carelessly exist without a care or fear of risk, and I said,
Why should all the rest dictate what’s best for you,
When they don’t even have a path that’s true so find yours.

I dislike the chorus. It seems far too complicated compared to the verses. imho, a chorus is best when it's simple and streamlined. That makes it memorable. If you can deliver a cleverly turned phrase in the process (a hook), so much the better. The rest of this feels good except for the long lines. Maybe bin the chorus and replace it with something fresh and simple?


links in sig. give me a read, if you haven't already.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.