#1
This is indie/rock/folk stuff like Chuck Ragan or Dallas Green

Twisted Dying Trees

If our eyes are broken
Every sight hurts worse than the last
We can't pretend
That we weren't influenced by the past

Try to shake your soul
Let it dry out in the sun
And remember what it was
To not feel like the only one

Remember the twisted dying trees
And the leaves that were so decrepit they'd break into a million pieces
Nothing ever seemed so bad
Even with this cruel, cruel world
A smile is what you always had

If our skin is weakened
Every touch cuts us closer to the heart
We can't make all the excuses
Before we even start

Don't pray, what is the use?
All those rules are never fun
And remember what it was
To no feel like the only one

Feel the vicious sheets of rain
And think back to the lightning that could never cause you any kind of pain
Hiding under blankets
Even during brutal storms
You would always make it

Out alive
To grow old
And become so goddamn cynical
Your blood probably runs cold
Then we die
And people cry
Cause they see that soon they're time will come
And they never really lived once they grew up

If our eyes are broken
Could we ever really see?
...this is the last line of my post
#5
Some of the longer lines I think are a little unwieldy. Others I think a small change in wording would benefit the piece. Here are a few suggestions.

These lines I think could do with some rephrasing but I'm not sure what.

"Every sight hurts worse than the last"

"That we weren't influenced by the past"


Here are some suggestions for these two:

"And the leaves that were so decrepit they'd break into a million pieces"
to
"Brittle leaves, they'd break away in pieces"


"And think back to the lightning that could never cause you any kind of pain"
to
"Lightning never caused you pain, but wonder" (or something like that)
#6
see I really like the ideas for that man...but it's a very unique melody for that part and I actually counted syllables for those lines...

lame, I know lol

But, regardless I'll take the rec's to heart and most likely rework some stuff
...this is the last line of my post