#1
C4C of course.

Song about a survivor of a nuclear holocaust. Tips for improving would be super sexy.

Castles of Ash


Eternal nights
The wind blows through
Once a forest
Turned to bleak waste

Infected lands
Beneath my steps
In nightmare
My shadow crept

The anger of man
Inflicted on her skin
Beauty to sand
Sun never seen again

Relentless rain
Puddles of death
Harsh winter ash
Clenches my breath

Unending march
No signs of life
Deaths hand in view
Blinds me of sight

You ignored rebellion's stand
Warnings no one read
The fires of war
Engulfed this land
My time fades
My redemption at hand

Touching the hand
Where my life begun
As my vision fades
I see the sun
Last edited by Mattm2232 at May 27, 2010,
#2
I liked your peice. What I did not like was being lead through it on a leash. One of the most beautiful things about the written word is the reader or listeners ability to intepret it for itself. I tried to do that, but after hearing what it was about i kind of lost my will to do so. So, this is not as much a crit on your peice, which was well written and had a good story to tell, but a crit on the presentation of it.

Considering that, if you feel like dropping me a crit, I would be much obliged. My peice is in the sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#3
Yeah, I let one of my friends read it but he didn't know what was going on and said I should put footnotes. I will take them off I do think they take away from the story. I would gladly crit your piece. I will do it as soon as I get home from work.