#1
Okay, I have a lyric that would fit as a like, chorus. I am thinking about using it for a song that follows the story of a family... But there's a catch... The mother and father fight a lot, and one day he decides to finally kill himself and his wife, but what he doesn't know, is that their little girl watching from the staircase. Here is the chorus:

Oh what a nice little lullaby/
as mommy lays her head down to say goodbye
Oh what a nice little lullaby/
As this baby girl, begins to cry
Oh what a nice little lullaby/
As daddy pulls the trigger
Oh what a nice little lullaby/
as mommy lays her head down to say goodbye
Oh what a nice little lullaby/
As this baby girl, begins to cry
Oh what a nice little lullaby/
That ends in disaster
I started to feel really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't
- Kurt Cobain
#3
Dont believe i ever heard that song. ill check it out though.
I started to feel really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't
- Kurt Cobain
#4
Quote by death eater
Dont believe i ever heard that song. ill check it out though.

its not really the lyrics that sound similar, just the overall story line about a little child witnessing a murder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoW_0NuaPj4
#5
Oh how I wish that you could understand
That this tragedy is the way it was supposed to end
The silhouette standing at the stairs, unable to close her eyes
The tears fall down but unable to cleanse the pain inside
Oh what a tragic lullaby
As mommy lies down her head
A beautiful last goodbye
Staring down the barrel of a loaded gun
Pull the trigger and take your final breath
Paint the walls with regret
The stars cry out in such disdain
Tears fall down her face
What a beautiful lullaby
What a beautiful lullaby
that ends in disaster
----------------------------------------

maybe this will help?
#6
Ill definitely use it. Thanks doode
I started to feel really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't
- Kurt Cobain
#7
I don't like that end line, "that ends in disaster".

I don't know exactly ow to describe whats wrong with it, it just doesn't really fit. If it fits with the music though, then keep it.

The rest of it is pretty good by the way!
Quote by leg end

"Roses are red,
Violets are bitchin'
Goddammit woman,
get back in the kitchen"
#8
Thanks for the feedback, and suggestions. It's all looking pretty good. I'll be sure to post the full song sometime when it's finished
I started to feel really proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't
- Kurt Cobain