#1
Broke my heart a thousand times before
Thought you were mine but I’ve said it all before
You said ok but then walked out the door
And here I am still dying on that forsaken floor

Now I can’t go out and I can’t stay in
Dropped my life within that old ship and
I couldn’t see it coming
Thought I’d done it all before
But maybe that’s what you’re lookin for

Chorus:
I couldn’t see it comin
Thought her mind was made up
Smashed the stone to the granite
And burned the cup
On a thorn covered bush
I sat upon a leaf
And prayed to the heavens
To give me peace

All the time and all the sea
Were made by the chosen
And left for the weak
We cannot make it through
This old and weary street
But with you in my arms
The world will give a peak

(Sing Chorus)

How can this be
Why was I taken
Out of the race
From the beginning

After it all
I saw myself fall
I got right back up
And did it all again

(Sing Chorus)
#3
First quatrain: all 4 end with the same sound; too much rhyme. It's drawn out, the last one does not close the thought, it just keeps going even after it stops. Try ending the 4th line at 'dying'. Lyrics is for music, and music has rests.

Most of it is too free form, like the "poetry" everybody does online. If it came out that having been fit to a tune, it'd still feel clumsy by itself. But it wasn't. it just has its own built in speed bumps. If you start with lyrics, make them fit a formal poetry format (iambic pentameter, etc.) amnd have appreopriate but not too much rhyme, and trim later.
#4
Hi.

Please read the rules in the announcement at the top of this forum.
Particularly the ones about thread titles but read them all.
You can re-post this after this thread has been closed.

Thanks
*reported*
Meadows
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