#2
The C# bassline over the D5 powerchord in bar 12 is the only section that really bothered me. I'm one for dissonance, but it was far to unstable, considering the bars before and after this one. You do this again at the 2nd to the last bar of the progression.
Do not like it.

Everything else is somber and interesting. The chord voicings are quite like the ones that I used to mess with when I first started song writing.
An earnest attempt. I see potential in it, and you should probably expand on this. Flesh it out with another guitar and some drums.