agape at the seams
no solace in my dreams
of wet roads
shitty tires
twisted metal
and kissing trees
blur my reality
screw the mentality
turn the light switch, ready
i'm at peace with
this sharp corner
and large oak
ready for the exit
**** it, i'm so stoked
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
i thought it sucked.
probably needs kerosene and a lit match added.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
Don't add kerosene or a lit match. That's enough to push it into being showy and faux-edgy, not to mention a healthy portion of "been-here-before." I like how it's mostly literate and elegant until the last line, cool juxtaposition.

Piece of advice though. Don't discredit your piece in the next post. If you really thought it sucked, you wouldn't have posted it. It comes across as either insecure and desperate, or surreptitiously self-important and presumptuous.


my second post was merely,
a bump.

i tear myself down.
it's who i am.
humanity as a whole is insecure,
and desperate, and i do love,
to keep in line with the status quo.

but since you were the only one gracious,
enough to even comment me you get...
well i can't give you anything.
except props...
i give you mad props, dawg.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.