#1
Work in progress.

Part 1

The slightest reflection
of the television
had appeared on her glasses.

I pretended to watch
the concave images
of scooby doo and shaggy.

She found it funny
and never realized
I was looking past it.

busy admiring


Part 2: A letter to you

Let's not settle for conformity when we can be ourselves with our own strange minority. Let's forget the horrors around us and sweat out the controversy that will inevitably press us. When necessary, try to curve our appetites in order to preserve what I'm not sure is fragile or not.
Promises meant a lot back then.
Last edited by ninja monkey at May 30, 2010,
#3
I think part one would sound better if in present tense. Also, 'concave' sounds too mathy.
Part 2 is good, but 'sweat out' is an odd phrase.
Overall, i think its pretty good.
#4
I like part 1 in the past tense,
in fact, I thought the first part was just sappy enough to be sweet,
yet just underdone enough to be fresh and unique (except "concave", bad word choice imho)
I didn't like the last line,
being on its own didn't fit the style you had going, and it just made it all a little too "obvious"

Now on to Part 2. I'm not a fan of it. I read off as overdone, over thought, and overused. As short as it is, its sentences manage to run on, and it lacks that cuteness to it that I liked about the first part