#1
This song is still somewhat a work in progress, as evidenced in the second verse. I have written to the side an alternate second verse, and I can't decide which to use. Any advice/constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

Verse 1&2:
I’m beginning to think,
What’s it matter to me?
And all of my convictions
Are dead-end at the door.

Keep my head up high,
Keep my head up high

Shoulders as well too.
Shoulders as well too.

And right before the hammer falls,
And right before I fall,

I’ll know I can’t be hurt anymore.
I’ll cut me to my core.


I’m beginning to think, what’s it matter to me?

Chorus:
The Martyr and the Victim
Aren’t as different as you think.
Both give their dying breath
To protect that which they seek.

The Martyr and the Victim
Lie at executioner’s feet.
Both are hostages
Of the hostilities of our world.

Verse 3&4:
I’ve started to think,
What’s the purpose of all this?
Why the need to protect
That which is intangible?

Flashback to a moment ago.
I walked in from a beautiful August.
Never thinking today a gun
Would bury me in a hole.

I’ve started to think, what’s the purpose of all this?

(Repeat Chorus)


Bridge:
The victim’s been martyrized,
Tortured by his killer.
Never to see another day
Of his average life.

The martyr’s been victimized.
Hung up on the gallows,
Stapled to a cross…..hair
Of Persecution.

3rd Chorus:
The Martyr and the Victim!
The Victim and the Martyr!
Run and tell all Fathers,
They’re one in the same!

I think we made a mistake!
Somewhere along the way!
The Bible preaches us,
Peace every day!

(Repeat 3rd Chorus again)


I’m beginning to think, what’s it matter to me?
#2
i think those are pretty awesome. well thought out, not cheesy. just i would say in Vs. one and two, just say, shoulders as well. take out the "too." makes it flow better imo.

keep up the good work.
#3
Thanks! And actually surprisingly (since this rarely happens) it actually flows better with the word too still in there because of the music i have to it.

Also, would you mind critiquing some of my other songs, since some of them haven't been critiqued and were overlooked on the message board. I'd be more than happy to look at some of your songs as well!
#4
not sure if your into the music im into man.. haha ive got some origonals on my profile if you wanna give them a listen and rate them! and id love to give a couple of your other songs a look. where are they, or what are they called?
#5
Just click on my name and it will send you to my profile, then from there you can click on "All Threads by Baseballer02" and you can see some of my other songs!
#6
I enjoyed this. The topic was great, and it definitely got me thinking. I like the comparisons between the Martyr and the Victim. I don't have much to say to change. Personally, I like verse two's second version better. Anyway, great work.
"Whoever said beauty is only skin deep must have been thinking of you."
#7
Thanks! and btw i recorded the music to this acoustically, its on my profile but without any lyrics being sung.