#1
This is intended to be a slower, ballad-ish rock song. I showed it to a few friends, and they enjoyed it, except one who called it "too generic, but I can see why she orgasmed over it". Anyway, here it is.


Holdin' On To A Memory

** * * * * * * * **
Burning vision and watering eyes** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
My tears make things blur before my eyes**
Darkness has fallen*
And there's a fire burnin'

[CHORUS]**
I don't know why*
But you're gone forever*
Died for someone else*
This wasn't your battle

*
I'll never hear your laugh**
Or see your smile again**
I've lost you** * *
In a war thar wasn't yours

[Chorus]


*
It isn't fair**
That you had to leave me*
I never wanted to lose you*
Now I'm holdin' on to a memory...

[SPOKEN] It's all I got...
"Whoever said beauty is only skin deep must have been thinking of you."
#2
Not bad.

You should get a recording so we can hear how you plan to sing these lyrics. Because really with vocals most of it isn't the words themselves but how you will present them.
#3
Quote by Dwn2ErthGuitars
Not bad.

You should get a recording so we can hear how you plan to sing these lyrics. Because really with vocals most of it isn't the words themselves but how you will present them.


Alright, I'll try to get one up soon. I may try to get my friend to sing it, since I can really only do a Megadeth-like growl thing...
"Whoever said beauty is only skin deep must have been thinking of you."
#4
I wouldn't rhyme "eyes" with "eyes" if I was you. Not just because of convention, but rather because it sounds a little awkward. Also, what's with the stars?

That being said, the emotional content in this piece far exceeds your writing ability, which sounds like a direct disparagement, but it isn't. Writing ability can be honed and perfected over time, but the ability to feel can't. Good job.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1319769
#5
Quote by Chaingarden
I wouldn't rhyme "eyes" with "eyes" if I was you. Not just because of convention, but rather because it sounds a little awkward. Also, what's with the stars?

That being said, the emotional content in this piece far exceeds your writing ability, which sounds like a direct disparagement, but it isn't. Writing ability can be honed and perfected over time, but the ability to feel can't. Good job.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1319769


Yeah, I'll check yours out. But I don't really get what you're saying about Emotional content. Could you elaborate a bit, please?
"Whoever said beauty is only skin deep must have been thinking of you."
#6
Quote by RobotRokker
Yeah, I'll check yours out. But I don't really get what you're saying about Emotional content. Could you elaborate a bit, please?


I mean, what you're saying is more potent than your raw knowledge of how to paint with words. I could draw an analogy to Muddy Waters. He plays guitar with a profound degree of feeling, but he's not a very technically proficient player. It's hard to learn that "feeling" aspect.