#1
Just wrote this up in about two minutes. I'm going on six cans of PBR so this might not be as good as I think. But...

we learned your lesson subtly
there happened a change between you and me
you want a life that doesn't exist
i want a life you can't live with

we always thought it wouldn't work
but i shouldn't know this because we never really talked
can't say i'm not glad, missing out on all the hurt
but i must say i miss where we may have walked
together

i'll keep going towards what has meaning to me
you should learn about what a guy can be
at 22 there's such a lingering effect of childness
but you don't have long before you're hopeless
that perfect man does not exist
and even if he did
don't you think he'd want the perfect misses?

so don't wait to grow up
take it from me, we're all the same
we don't see a face or hear a name
we're selfish childish and insecure
and we'll only use you so be sure

be sure to grow up and forget it
We're only strays.
#2
I enjoyed this. Really. For anyone that's been through this situation it's accessible. It felt removed and untied by emotions and that gave the mood a nice boost. A little cold too. Good job.
#3
Quote by blake1221
I enjoyed this. Really. For anyone that's been through this situation it's accessible. It felt removed and untied by emotions and that gave the mood a nice boost. A little cold too. Good job.


Thanks! I'm thinking of changing around a few parts to emphasize the harsher side more, enough to maybe impose that I'm defensive and lashing out from being hurt.
We're only strays.
#4
Quote by Martyr's Prayer
Thanks! I'm thinking of changing around a few parts to emphasize the harsher side more, enough to maybe impose that I'm defensive and lashing out from being hurt.


Smart move...I think I'd take a similar route if I wrote this. Tell me if/when you edit; I'd love to read it afterwards.

Also, if you'd like, comment on my poem.