#1
Okay, so a month or so after I joined UG, I started a series based around the Miles Davis album Kind of Blue. Essentially, I set out to reflect on each of the five songs and write a poem based on them. I wrote the first three poems and then stopped, depleted of any inspiration. Now, however, I feel compelled to start it up again and since the poem I wrote for Blue in Green was utter garbage, I decided to make this my starting point. For those of you familiar with the album, I hope my interpretation makes sense with yours. And for those that aren't familiar, I hope this poem stands strong on its own.

Oh, and here are the first two poems in the series from way back when, if you're interested:

So What
Freddie Freeloader


and here's the poem, Blue in Green. The title works as a link to the actual song too.


Blue in Green

the guests have all left;
the ceiling fan swirls a fallow haze,
the night's laughter lingering
in the winding trail of smoke
from her cigarette.
a canary dress you picked out in new york,
that orchid perfume from granada;
you reflect upon everyman who,
sipping on their drinks
coolly behind a veil,
waited for their chance to steal
away the evening's uncertainties.

it was in her netted kisses,
all her flowing advances,
the way she lightly laid her hand
on your chest, whispering trivial things
that made othermen silently take
another envious drink;
and even in the subtlety
in how she said your name,
that airiness and calm,
the lush roll of the tongue
on those two curious syllables.

the night swam slowly on,
and all the men left drunk
and confused as to what
this sunbeam sees in you.
you've sometimes wondered the same,
when she used to be a silhouette
dancing behind the inanimate
nature of your life,
when you knew you could
complete the sky with your love
while the rest merely had
rust and stardust to give.

and there she sits,
with the radiance you've tasted
on your lips the whole night.
you go take a seat beside her,
laying a smooth hand on the small of her back,
placing a light kiss on her shoulder.


a nervous rustle,
a subdued laugh,
she stands and approaches the table,
taking the money she's earned.
and before she leaves,
she flashes a glance that
swallows you in shadows,
a look of forget,
of irreognition.
and as the night's haze
wraps itself around you,
you too take another drink,
envious of her,
of your guests,
of the glowing lamplight,
of the soft shag carpet,
and of even the pear tree
planted outside your window,
in how when the gusts grow violent
and the night takes on
a more different shade,
every ripe fruit
just seems to land
in every right place.
here, My Dear, here it is
Last edited by SubwayToVenus at Jun 1, 2010,
#2
Yes! I loved this series.


I didn't agree with some line breaks, not a big deal though. I'm glad you decided to finish this.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#6
i feel like the opening doesnt do the rest justice. just a little tweak could make it. it could be the origin of that trail of smoke you study so closely. just a step into it. "the guests have all left" is just kind of a squared off opening. just something like "as the guests leave the cieling fan swirls a fallow haze." yeah no more rhyme but i just feel like a little more of a lead in would work better.

this was really solid and you have no idea how happy i am you redid it.

i dont know if you remember my comment from the last effort

I dunno. This is one of my favorite songs ever and I don't think you really fell in line with it language wise. The ideas could have fit but the wording wasn't the whole swing laid back drag along melancholy tone that I was hoping for.
I think your tone is the part that slows this the most. You're syntax sounds too forced man.
the sonic aspect of this lacked the nature of the song


but this changed that. and so it goes.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#7
thanks guys. and yeah jiminizzle, that first poem needed serious redemption
here, My Dear, here it is
#8
I don't like the song much, but i'll crit anyway whilst listening to the song
*afterwards*
I must say, i like this a lot, and like the song considerably more. I'd like to see your interpretation of 'all blues', and maybe even other jazz.
#9
I didn't read this yet, but I'm going to listen to Kind of Blue all the way through and then read all the ones you've written so far. One of my favorite albums, and it's been a while.

just wanted to get this blackdotted so I don't forget. nag me if I forget.
Quote by Arthur Curry
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#10
thanks hippieboy. i'm working on what i'm gonna do for "all blues" now. and saadia....i'm waiting
here, My Dear, here it is
#12
This is beautiful, Ryan. The way it works with the music... ahhh... it fits very well. It reminds me a lot of the Great Gatsby. I don't enjoy the wording and presentation of the first two lines of the last stanza. Other than that I think the rest of this smoothed on over to be a wonderful little gem.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja