#1
Hey... This is my new song, I just wrote it... please crit it and I will crit yours.


Lyrics

Verse:1
I still remember that day, when it all fell down on me and exactly how it felt when my hope
Was crushed into pieces just like glass or ice or something else that’s brittle ...something else that’s brittle
I still think of how it would be if you were here with us today, and I remember that day when
My hope fell down on me and how I cried. But nothing is eternal, everything must end
Nothing is eternal, everything will end.

Chorus:
I know that nothing can last forever but I hoped that this could last a little longer

I know that nothing can last forever but I hoped that this could last a little longer

Verse:2
Now everything has changed, nothing is the same
When you died everything fell apart
You were the glue who held it all together, you gave us hope
You were like a hero to all of us
Now I have to continue what you started
I refuse to give up hope I will fight on

Chorus:
I know that nothing can last forever but I hoped that this could last a little longer
I know that nothing will last forever but I hoped that this would last a little longer

Bridge

Ending:
I know that nothing can last forever but I hoped that this could last a little longer

I know that nothing can last forever but I hoped that this could last a little longer x2
Attachments:
Nothing Lasts Forever.zip
Last edited by Metal_defender at Jun 1, 2010,
#3
Man, I've checked your stuff - it's not bad. I'd give it 7/10 'cause of too simplicity. You ought to add solo to it. Try on some different rythms, gallops, triplets etc. Stay true!
#4
Straight out I have to say the drums were my favorite part. You can just tell there was a ton of work put into them. I do however think the song would greatly benefit from a solo or maybe a breakdown. But I've never been good with metal. It sort of reminds me of some sort of epic movie music. If you slapped in some orchestral strings it would be pretty sweet. And the lyrics are pretty sweet too. I just wish I knew exactly how they fit into the song.
#5
Wow, man. The drums really kick ass.

The guitars are a little too simple in my opinion... It kinda gives the feeling that the song stays the same most of the time. The verse and the chorus sound too simillar, mostly because the guitar rythems hardly change.
Try some different rythems, throw in a solo or 2 or some breakdown or something just to put a change in there.
I liked how you went back to acousting at the ending.

It's good, but dosen't live up to it's potential.

C4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1321574
#6
I would advise not to put in a breakdown, but putting a solo that somehow hints back at the second guitar's lines would really climax the feelings of the song

I love it though, pretty emotional
#7
drums were way over the top, at least during the dist. guitar parts. it fit during the acoustic sections, but that's it. rhythm instruments should serve the song more. i like the ideas behind the drums, but they sound way out of place...so change the guitars to complement the drums, or change the drums to complement the guitars.

i'd also like to see an actual guitar solo, not just leads...you seem to have an interesting melodic sense, i'd love to hear what you could come up with
Quote by FlyingFuc!<
i read on the toilet.
sometimes i'm even on UG or AIM.
laptops + wireless = The Pit on the toilet.
Quote by RinestoneCowboy
Cannibal Corpse transcend genres and stereotypes with their emotional and heartfelt take on music.
#8
It's probs a good thing that you muted track 6 haha, it's god awful with its simplisticness

Intro - It was nice, although I felt that bar 4 should've been a different time signature.
Verse 1 - I didn't have high hopes for this song after listening to this bit haha, thought it was gonna be a cliche'd song or something, particularly with those drums. Perhaps changing the drums up a bit would be a good idea.

Actually, for verse 2, accoutic guitar 2, could you change the annoying repetitive eight notes with an actual rhythm, that would really help that section out in my opinion (Keep notes the same, change the rhythm)
Verse 2 - just builds from previous, nothing else to add here
bar 20 - This was nice, and simplistic, however how it led intot bar 30 again, i wasn't a fan of that. Perhaps increasing the length of the melody would be better between this section,
Verse 2 - I'm starting to feel as if the song is gonna repeat a lot.. But I guess since someoen is singing this would not be the feeling when it's recorded.
Chorus - Throughout i've liked your melodies, but i'd like for them to be built on, and not just repeated 2 or so times
Ending - Woah, that song ended fast... It would've been nice for there to be one last section, or more harmonies added and having an increasing climax, because even when you used the ritardando I felt as if the contrast was too great!

So in conclusion, I felt that 'the end' went on for a tiny bit too long, but as you have words etc lined up for this it may be a lot better when recorded

So things to improve on, add more rhythm, lengthen melodies, make it longer, repeat less

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=24334277
#10
I wont be home 'till the weekend, and I don't have guitar pro here, so I couldn't see exactly what you've done, but I've listened to the MIDI file and it was much better. Sounds a bit more complex, the solo really adds a lot. The drums are still ****ing amazing.

Great job, man
#11
Track 6 isn't doing the song any justice at parts, it's pretty dissonant at parts, and doesn't work well rhythically either.

DIST 1's rhythm conflicts with the melody atbar 35 etc... Paired with that track 6 it's not really as nice as it was before.

bar 58 distortion two, can you honestly play that bit that fast on the last two beats.

And bar 60, can you honestly play that fast?

Gave up listening to the rest because you ruined a good song
#12
Quote by zezikaro
Track 6 isn't doing the song any justice at parts, it's pretty dissonant at parts, and doesn't work well rhythically either.

DIST 1's rhythm conflicts with the melody atbar 35 etc... Paired with that track 6 it's not really as nice as it was before.

bar 58 distortion two, can you honestly play that bit that fast on the last two beats.

And bar 60, can you honestly play that fast?

Gave up listening to the rest because you ruined a good song


to be honest I cannot play that fast, however one of my friends who intend to "guest" when i record can...
#13
Quote by Metal_defender
to be honest I cannot play that fast, however one of my friends who intend to "guest" when i record can...


That's seriously fast... I play a lot of fast things... And that's crazy fast, that would the same speed as rusty cooley btw... Which not many people can achieve....
#14
Quote by zezikaro
That's seriously fast... I play a lot of fast things... And that's crazy fast, that would the same speed as rusty cooley btw... Which not many people can achieve....


Hehe i know... he´s insane :p...
#15
the fade at bar 113 doesn't last long enough. let that solo guitar remain prominent for a little longer.

i think you should try some different riffs/melodies/leads in the pre-verse and pre-solo sections. right now it all just sort of blends together and doesn't really musically distinguish the parts it's separating. i would probably write something slow and melodic in the upper register for those parts, to give it some contrast.

also when do we get some bass?
Quote by FlyingFuc!<
i read on the toilet.
sometimes i'm even on UG or AIM.
laptops + wireless = The Pit on the toilet.
Quote by RinestoneCowboy
Cannibal Corpse transcend genres and stereotypes with their emotional and heartfelt take on music.