#1
This is an primarily acoustic ballad / mid-tempo song... Could see some clean electric riffs over the acoustic framework as the song builds... Country or rock... Could work either way really

Crashing Waves... (Of Yesterday)

-- Verse 1 --
Sittin' ocean side
Lonely room with a view
Of a broken heart
I wasted on you

Got everything
That I'll ever need
To rewind my life
Play again at my own speed

-- Chorus --
Cause you were here today
And baby gone just as fast
Like these crashing waves
Into the shores they smash
Yesterdays...
Never really seem to last
Like these crashing waves
They fade away into the past

-- Verse 2 --
God knows
Gave you everything I had
Now without your love
My life's slipped off track

Lost a lot
In this life of mine
But losing you girl
I just can't leave behind

-- Chorus --
Cause you were here today
And baby gone just as fast
Like these crashing waves
Into the shores they smash
Yesterdays...
Never really seem to last
Like these crashing waves
They fade away into the past

-- Verse 3 --
Yeah you were here...
You were here just the other day...
(Now you've faded away)
Closed my eyes...
Closed my eyes and you'd drifted away...
(Yeah you faded away)

And I'm left here bleeding
Never even seeing
Just where our love went wrong.....
Oh baby...

-- Chorus --
You were here today
And then gone just as fast
Like these crashing waves
Into the shores they smash
Yesterdays...
Never really seem to last
Like these crashing waves
They fade away into the past
#2
It's definitely not bad, but it does feel like white noise. There's nothing too striking about it to really make it stand out, though. I am a fan of the ocean simile, lol I'll give you that much. I think you let yourself slip into too many clichés:

Never really seem to last
Like these crashing waves
They fade away into the past


I feel like that's all too common, the rhyme scheme and the concept. It's by no means a bad poem or set of lyrics, but maybe if you revised and looked for more interesting ways to convey the rhymes. Maybe in a couple places, find a different way to say what you're talking about.

Hope that helped
#3
So, i kinda agree on this ^ it's quite cliché.. tho yea, it's nice. Personally I think you should, as that person said, express yourself in another way, to let out what you're trying to explain. Maybe write it a bit more poetic? Insted of the whole "oh baby" thing. Maybe use bigger and more emotional or passionate words (: But yea..as said, it's not bad at all, a very nice start. But I think you should deffinitely work on it a bit. Make it more original (:

Hope I helped some (:
#4
Thanks for the crits... To be honest with you... I do agree with what your saying... I'm not great at writing emotional ballads (I usually prefer much darker material for slower songs or just hard rock/metal tunes), but this one i started working on when I was sitting on a beach one day with a guitar and a bottle of whiskey (that's what the 'got everything I'll ever need' line refers too - 'guitar and whiskey')... I wrote that first verse (which i thought was pretty good)... the chorus is intended to get a little "bigger" and be a sort of big "catchy chorus"... the one place i have thought the song lacked a bit was in the second verse (i'm still trying to make it a little more clever, so to speak... this is definitely, by far, one of the "safest" ballads i have ever wrote, and do think it would require a bit more work and some good music support, but could be decent

Again, thanks for the ideas...
#5
Np. well, first off i didn't know that abt the guitar and whiskey, so yea..there's some emotion and some sort of depth in it. i liked the first verse as well tbh, i didn't quite mention that. And I agree on the whole hard rock/metal tunes, love it, but it doesn't mean it still can't be passionate. Just...i know thi will sound extremely cliché, but..speak from your heart eh? i'm not saying you're not doing that now..but..again. make it more originial in the wording. Hmm..the emotional ballads thing..well it's honestly not extremely hard to do. you jusj gotta think deeply, which I believe almost all, well a lot of ppl, can to. Don't even be afraid to look up on Google, like..words or like..symbolism to what you're trying to express. It's really not a bad idea (: But either way, when/if you work on it, and repost it? I bet it'll be nice (:

crit?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1320793

Not too nice, but i tried. i made up the first parts in like 4-5 mins or so. and then i slightly gave up on it, but then just finished it off (:
#6
To be honest with you....I didnt like it that much. I felt that the idea of what you were trying to say was fine, but the word choice seemed liked you just wrote the most basic thing that came to your head. The waves crashing and dissapearing comparison has been done a million times in a million songs just like yours, and that killed the entire song for me.

Even if you tried to revise this peice using better words, I think that it would still be lost in the pop ballad dirge that is found on the radio.

Sorry for the assholic crit man, I know you said you dont often write stuff like this, and I would certaintly advise against it. Once more, sorry for being a dick.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.