#1
Crit4Crit

This is about a ghost that haunts a village. Any tips on improvement would be super sexy.

Ghost of the Orchid


Years of cold frost
Warm my presence
Snuffing out the lights
A deathly sigh
Chills your very core

My ethereal apparition
I walk among the beating hearts
Fog looms over panes
No solid figure returns your stare

For eternal nights
I reside in a restless daze
Leaving fear inside of the innocent

I stalk the night
Roaming forests
Ghostly figure
Haunting your dreams

A shattered reverie
Lifeless touch lingers on

Winter's breath drapes the land
A paralyzing warmth
Ghosts emerge from their sleep
To reclaim what they've lost

My shadow on the wall
Moving like water to the light
Your face in the mirror
Reflecting my essence

The crops will perish
Leaving the family to rot
I shall watch the dead
Step among the light
Of summers dawn
#2
cool lyrics... well, that is if this is iintended to be a song... If so, what is the intended tempo of the song so i can read it again and get a better feel for it? I have written some stuff along these lines myself... enjoyed it
#4
that's cool man... i could tell it was death metal a death metal tune... I write mainly for hard rock myself, but have many other pieces that I work on from country, southern rock, metal, and even some death metal (one called 'Paralyzed (A Ghost In The Room)' that is along the lines of what you've done here...). I always get in different moods when i write, so i write what comes out; cause when i try to force a certain style it comes out like shit.. lol.. But good stuff man, i enjoyed it
#6
Thats rad man, I could feel the death metal vibe straight away, If you ever upload music to go with it hit me up, I'd love to here it.
It's written really well.
#7
Very well written, and i could certaintly feel the death metal. The simple power behind each and every word was staggering, like you were just going for ****ing everything you had in every syllable.

Good shit bro. If you get a momento, id appreciate a c4c. links in the sig.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.