#1
I'm working on this song for my band. It would help a lot if you could tell me what you think I could improve on.

I'll also take a look at some of your guys stuff and do the same.

C4C
#2
haha that was pretty cool actually
nice job

id say you could comment my music......but i have no music on my profile =[
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#3
nice job man that was sweet

id ask for comments on mine but 1. id have to upload 2. i have approx 78 pieces of UNfinishes music
lol

(none have ever been finsihed)


7EDIT: also just to be me
NEEDZ MOAR & STRINGZ

jk sounds great the way it is
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#4
Holy poop. Awesome job here, this is super progressive and sweet. Vocals would crush this. Dude. Wow xD. Great modern edge here and the slow drums add so much to the piece, everything fits perfectly.
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#5
weak...but i think that of deathcore in general anyway.
you got close to some good riffs a couple times, like measures 17-19, 38-41, but even then, it was completely swallowed up by the drums...in fact the entire drum track came off as wankery to me. ease up on the bass drum, there's no rule written in stone that extreme metal must have x amount of bass hits per measure. i think mm. 19-22 and 27-32 could really benefit from some blast beats.

i liked the piano intro overall, but there were some beats that sounded out of key, in particular that A major in measure 3

keep the title, it's hilarious
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#6
^^
I wish more people would crit like this guy

but thanks all

And yes it will have vocals.
#7
the piano piece is nice, though i wouldn't say it's really classical . . . I would ditch the synth, you dont need it, and it's not very metal, unless, as mentioned above, you want to go for deathcore, which you shouldn't unless you can't write anything better . . .

the riffs are all solid, but its too laid back for death metal, more blastbeats, more brutal riffs, speed it up! for example, after bar 18, you could have a good fast chromatic, for lack lack of a better term, "old-school DM" riff which could transition real nice into bar 19, though as is bar 19 doesnt build up enough i think

the riff at bar 23 is pretty deathcore, and not that great, the riff at bar 27 is quite good, and still have a solid groove to it, but i would say ditch the riff before it for something fast and intense and use the riff at 27 to break it down into a heavy groove

33-37 is all pretty metalcore, the melody at 38 is good, i would ditch all the super fast chugs and double bass stuff, its all been done before and if you cant pull that off on stage SUPER TIGHT with your band it'll sound like shit, try to do something a little more original, though having a melodic section there is still fine by me . . . i would look at black metal for melody though, not all this modern shit

I really dig the stand-out bass lines near the end do more stuff with the bass, its another voice you have to work with in metal, not just a backup instrument
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#8
Hum. I don't give a shit if people say "Lol deathcore" at this piece, the style should never affect a review of a piece. The riffs are mostly very solid throughout and I really like the atmosphere that the piece gives out, Deathcore or not, it's rather well done.


The piano intro is rather cool, I really enjoyed it - although it's not classical haha, it's got a rather interesting phrasing of melodies.

The riff at bar 19 is ****ing awesome in my opinion, especially the triplet runs and the drum pattern at bar 22 - that's really cool man, I like that.

Riff at 23 is generic but it's good and it would work excellently for a vocal melody - no complaints.

Bar 36 is one of the parts where I think the melody shifts too much from the feeling of the song - I feel you could write a better lead line there.

Same for the bass line at 41 - nice idea, I think some of the notes sound a bit off though.

Also, ending is non existant - I think you could finish it, in the stylistic generic approach, with a breakdown that starts on bar 45, as a replacement for the current tail of the riff.

Perhaps bring back the rhythm at bar 33.

Interesting riffing though, could make for an interesting song, although not the most original thing ever in this day and age =).

There are a few sections I believe could have better melody choices, such as -
#9
Thank you guys, I wasn't going for any sort of core sound so ima change some shit up