#1
hi all, i thought id share my lyrical contradictions with you and see what the community thinks. i wrote this during my bands struggle and breakup and such, so here we go, oh btw i feel it does jump around alot, but in context to the band situation it all relates (somehow)

Just south of hell theres a heaven, now wouldn't you know it
A reasoning that cant be attained
the truth takes the whole and spits it out into bite sized pieces
i like to watch it as it all unfolds
nonsensical's the normality if you so believe
a reoccurring nostalgic thats never old
and though you know, none of this matters
you stay since you've got nowhere else to go

you're the reason I'm so cold
a momentary slip of the mind
and though playing the victim is just as easy
i cant say its all the same

watch the time as its slowly watching you
stop thinking theres always a place to be
and though the orchestra is now only seating
you swear they've been playing all along

you're the reason I'm so cold
a momentary slip of the mind
and though playing the victim is just as easy
i cant say its all the same

love is just a game for all the cheaters
so where exactly do all the losers go
are we destined to live the life of the gambler
only to lose it all
just stop and let whats done be done
unless of course you haven't had enough


well? thoughts? critiques? belittlings?
#2
I think it may jump around a little too much. However, there are some great lines in here. I would just try and reorganize it a bit.
Gibson Les Paul Studio/Fender Telecaster/Fender Stratocaster -> MXR Phase 90 ->Vox V847 Wah -> Boss Ds-1 -> Ibanez Ts-9 -> Electro Harmonix Memory Boy ->
Jet City 20



Rome wasn't built in just a day.