#1
I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…

Someone once told me that it happens for a reason,
The reason I don’t know but I pray that it frees me,
Frees me from the pain, frees me from the sorrow,
But most of all, I pray for it to bring her home tomorrow.
I’ll make a wish upon a falling star tonight;
I’ll wish that she’d just see I wanna make it right,
Make it right for the future, fix the wrongs from the past,
To see that she’s my baby girl, I wanna make it last.
Forget the bad times and remember the good,
The good times that bring us back together like it should,
The memories we think on, try not to reminisce,
Of a better time we had, us together in bliss,
Believe me when I say that I’m sick of the fear,
The fear inside that breaks me down to my tears,
The tears that I’ve cried, but there’s no more left,
I’m all dried up, I’ve had enough of the stress.

I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…
I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…

I guess it’s that time to go and take a step back,
Step back to the sidelines and watch you collapse,
The same way that I have, the same way you made me,
Bleeding from the seams, I’m the lock, you’re the key.
Now let me tell you a story of my broken heart quest,
She’s my world, she’s my rock, for her I’d never rest,
This girl I’m in love with, this girl I will die for,
I messed it up before, god damn I should have tried more,
But now we can take it all back to square one,
Take it from the top, build us back up strong,
I’ll give it all for her; I won’t stop ‘til I die,
This girl is amazing, she’s the reason I still try.
But bring it to a close, these last words, last bars,
I’ll dedicate to the night we shared beneath the stars,
We felt so close, we felt so connected,
But what was to come later, I never expected…

I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…
I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…

*solo* - continue solo over outro chorus –

I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…
I really need this, girl can’t you see my heart?
I gave it to you all that time ago,
I gave it to you for keeps…


I based this song on Airplanes Pt.2 - B.o.B ft Hayley Williams and Eminem.
Thanks for reading.


EDIT: If anyone wants the instrumental, just ask. I still need to record the guitar and the vocals.
Last edited by Pyrest at Jun 4, 2010,
#2
Thanks for the crit on mine.

I liked it. every time that I thought your rhymes were faltering after a couple lines you pulled of a clever or perfectly cohesive line that pulled me right back into it. I especially liked the first verse, that was what I liked to call "Good shit".

Good work bro, keep it up!

PS. I listened to Airplanes Pt 2...definitely feeling the connection.
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#3
Thanks, I was trying to use how Eminem uses the words in some of his songs to get a strong flow to the verses. I don't really know how that turned out, becuase that's only the second song I've ever written with rap in it.