i break stars
with a ****ing bat
when it comes to mice
i cheese the cat
no sense of purpose
add to the collection
my lack of compass
and nautical direction
give love and thanks
to the sun, the seasons
and every single
reason for breathing
the endless source
from which it pours forth
the future is a hand grenade
in the maw of an infant
teething and seeking truth
its right below the surface
don't forget to chew
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
the first half was damn good and there is a damn good flow to it. The second half isnt exaclty as good, but not bad.
thanks for your crit on Writing Club

i had some fun with this one, nice imagery there throughout and some great lateral ideas coming through that made me ask why and contemplate your wording and metaphors.
obviously your hook line is the first one, and i love this for it. great job, hope to see more!