#1
Hey

I wrote this Poppunk song today, I think it's really good, but want to know, what you think
play it with RSE on please.
And I hope my english is better this time

improof

[EDIT:

now with a second song...also here:
poppunk, 6th track is vocals (it's an e-bass), lyrics are above the vocal-track...and also: play with RSE as you can ;D]
Attachments:
Live or die.gp5
When the shadows fall.gp5
Last edited by improof at Jun 15, 2010,
#2
there were a lot of good melodies in there

i would change the A# chord in bar 6 to a F#, the E in bar 12/16 to a G#, the C# in bar 33 to a G#, stay on the F# in bar 34 and don't switch to the G#
and do that for all repetitions of that phrase

going from solo 1 into the bridge into solo 2 didn't sound very good to me. if you're going to have a guitar lead before the bridge, it should be a repetition of one of the main melodies -- either something you played earlier, or a main vocal melody
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sometimes i'm even on UG or AIM.
laptops + wireless = The Pit on the toilet.
Quote by RinestoneCowboy
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#3
The lyrics were fairly generic, passable.

However, the music itself is quite catchy, and like wannabe_punk said, there are some pretty good melodies in there. I disagree with him about the A# though; I think it adds a very unique flavor. It's a shame that it's only used once, actually. The mini solo was random, but I didn't see it coming, especially so soon before a legitimate one, but you know what? It's good.

It's a pretty decent piece, really. I didn't mind listening to it at all. Good work, mate.

EDIT: If you could C4C that'd be great, but I'm going to put up a new piece within a couple days, so just check my sig every once in awhile for something new on the bottom besides "At Least You Tried, Right?"
Last edited by Msu_Man04 at Jun 7, 2010,
#4
hey

thanks for your answers

so
@wannabe_punk:

I've made this with the chords you said and I decided that I leave them as they were sorry, but I think it sounds better.
And specifically the A # chord should remain so, as it is, cause it's characterizing for the song ;D

but you're right: The first solo wasn't really good...so, thank you much, for your tip, that it should be a repitition of one of the main melodies. I've done so...and you can hear it ;D


@Msu_Man04:

I know, this characterizing A# chord is played only one time...so I changed it:
The first solo is now a repitition of the intro, with this A# chord ;D


improof
Last edited by improof at Jun 15, 2010,
#5
sorry to say it, but that A# is still bothering me...the point of pop music (and you've labeled this pop-punk) is to be easy on the ears and easy to listen to, and playing a chord that's out of key (the chord being A#), especially so early in the song, makes it difficult to listen to.

also the transition into solo 1 is weak...you have two measures of descending chords, but then you go back up to start the solo..that's also not very pleasing to the ear.
Quote by FlyingFuc!<
i read on the toilet.
sometimes i'm even on UG or AIM.
laptops + wireless = The Pit on the toilet.
Quote by RinestoneCowboy
Cannibal Corpse transcend genres and stereotypes with their emotional and heartfelt take on music.
#6
okay...but I think the song is good as so as it is...everyone has his own music style that he finds good (you see big bands like green day? not every punk or alternativ-fan likes green day ;D but it's only one example)
#7
Quote by wannabe_punk
sorry to say it, but that A# is still bothering me...the point of pop music (and you've labeled this pop-punk) is to be easy on the ears and easy to listen to, and playing a chord that's out of key (the chord being A#), especially so early in the song, makes it difficult to listen to.

also the transition into solo 1 is weak...you have two measures of descending chords, but then you go back up to start the solo..that's also not very pleasing to the ear.


Uh. Who said it's out of key? No one explicitly said it's in B major, with no alterations wherever. If he wants to use the mixolydian mode a bit, hey, let him. It's my favorite mode. XD.
#8
It's nice - some really cool melodies in there... although, it sounds a tiny bit generic .
But then again, that isn't a bad thing... generic can sometimes sound good!

I would suggest varying some of the rhythms a bit, as the semiquavers are dominating the piece. I think the piece would greatly benefit from added rhythms, and this would perhaps make it a little more unique.

I like the key change between the chorus and first solo - i wasn't expecting it, but it fits in very nicely. The second solo sounds kind of 'queeny' (they're my favourite band, so very nice!).

Very well done overall - I would stick this on my ipod if it were recorded. Do tell me when you've done it, i like it!
8/10 (and with the suggested changes 10/10!)

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1323721
#9
@msu_man - i'm perfectly happy to let the composer of a song do whatever they want, but the "c" in "c4c" stands for "criticism" and that's what i gave. i'm just trying to offer ideas that i think would improve it, which is the whole point of posting original material in this forum.

just because it's the internet doesn't mean we can't get along
Quote by FlyingFuc!<
i read on the toilet.
sometimes i'm even on UG or AIM.
laptops + wireless = The Pit on the toilet.
Quote by RinestoneCowboy
Cannibal Corpse transcend genres and stereotypes with their emotional and heartfelt take on music.
#11
@ankthebank:

thank you much


I would suggest varying some of the rhythms a bit, as the semiquavers are dominating the piece. I think the piece would greatly benefit from added rhythms, and this would perhaps make it a little more unique.


I've done, what you said (I hope I understood you correctly ), so I changed the bass-track an the drums a bit at the second part of the song...just see it ;D
I'll upload the new file on my first post ;D



sorry, but I don't have much time now...I'll c4c later ;D
[EDIT: now I saw it ;D you can read, what I wrote]

@all:

I've wrote a second song, it's also punk (or better poppunk)...I'll post it on my first song ;D
Last edited by improof at Jun 15, 2010,
#12
Aha, much better - really brings out the variation in the second verse. Well done!

The second song - Very nice melodies here, i like the verses especially. The guitar chords stand out there, and the prechorus leads nicely into the chorus. Good that you've put the distorted guitar int he chorus, it's like you're building up to it.
Nice solo as always, quite unique... and i can tell that it's the same person who's written it (because the style of the solo is similar to the 'live or die' song).
It's a bit of a weird structure, one that I wouldn't use, but it works well.

Keep it up!
#13
@ankthebank:


original by ankthebank:

Aha, much better - really brings out the variation in the second verse. Well done!

The second song - Very nice melodies here, i like the verses especially. The guitar chords stand out there, and the prechorus leads nicely into the chorus. Good that you've put the distorted guitar int he chorus, it's like you're building up to it.
Nice solo as always, quite unique... and i can tell that it's the same person who's written it (because the style of the solo is similar to the 'live or die' song).
It's a bit of a weird structure, one that I wouldn't use, but it works well.

Keep it up!



thank you really much
I'm glad to hear this
but:
can you please rate my song in a score out of then? (so X/10 --> "X" is your score)
thanks


@all others:

I would be glad, if someone else would rate my songs (of course you can only rate one, if you want )

and still C4C, of course


improof