Great song. It reminds me of Nothing Else Matters, Metallica.
If you ask me, it's a little too Metallica-esque. However, considering your age and how long you've been playing, it isn't bad at all. I would extend it, and expand on it more, and put a solo over it.

You, good sir, have not gone over to your friends house after a hard night of drinking to find 2 dudes passed out in the same room both holding their own flaccid cocks in hand, passed out, with porn on the tv.
I think the first thing that needs to be done is work on timing. I could see the potential, but the sloppy playing and off timing ruined it for me =\
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself

Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!