#1
This song was inspired by Terry Brooks novel, Running With The Demon.
Please critique, and I'll critique yours.

Demon RunnerTorment, is second hand to me
As I deal it to the unwilling
Anguish, planted in my prey
I put fear into souls
(Chorus):
I am the Demon Runner
Messenger of all that is unholy
Dealing death, wherever I roam
I am the Demon runner

Torture, dealt to all that is holy
The unfaithful shall die
Pain, entrenched upon you
Now perish!
(Bridge)
Kneel before me,
As I end your pathetic life
Go… into the hellfire!
(Chorus)
I am the Demon Runner
Messenger of all that is unholy
Dealing death, wherever I roam
I am the Demon runner

Shadows, trod upon you
To the end of life
Darkness, you shall see
As I take you to the abyss

Thanks in advance.
..I was watching my death.
#2
OK so this was very nice. i love the whole death upon everything idea. it's awesome. Two things i love abt this is the chorus and the last part where it sais

"Shadows, trod upon you
To the end of life
Darkness, you shall see
As I take you to the abyss"


that's..very nice. One thing tho, that I don't fancy too much, is the bridge. I mean it's alright, and i actually like the "Kneel before me" part..But it's just the last two lines of that, idk..maybe change that up a bit?

Anyways, what type of music did you have in mind for this? (:

C4C?

"The Inner Atributes"

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1320793
#3
This is a metal song.
Gonna be our bands epic song, kinda like Metallica's master of puppets.

What I was thinking is for the bridge, it's basically 3 power chords going up the neck, and then after the vocals are done, it will go into soloing between me and the other guitarist.

I will critique yours once I get home from school. Gotta leave for school now.
..I was watching my death.
#4
As it stands right now the lyrics are good. But I just think that it could be so much better. It just seems like the narrator is a big windbag instead of the ultimate bad-ass we should perceive him as. We never get concrete examples as to why we should fear him, instead he just says "fear me". I think it would do you some good to check out the lyrics for "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones. I know it's not a very metal song, but I appreciate the way that song gives specific details as to what Satan has done. Anyways, I hope this crit wasn't too harsh and I look forward to reading more from you.

Crit mine please
Hunting Season
#5
*Timbit2006: Yea it sounds like it belongs to a heavy metal instrumental. When I was reading the lyrics, I had this awesome feel of heavy metally stuff. Nice (: Hopefully it's be wicked. post the whole thing when you're done eh?
#6
I like the concept, but it sounds very generic. You need to spice it up a bit. Make the narrator sound a bit more...Intelligent? I mean, after the first few lines we get the idea that we should be afraid of this guy, but after that its just repeat, reapeat, repeat. Id change up some of the lines. This has really great potential to be a brutal song, you just have to work with it a bit.

Crit, plz
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1322731
...it was bright as the sun, but with ten times the heat
#8
This song is gonna be on our first album, but I suppose I can give you a sneak peek.

So many critiques, so little time. Should get started on them within an hour.
If you are interested, you can check out Llahsrams other stuff.
www.youtube.com/user/llahsramband
I posted this song before, and got no replies, so now I'm extremely orgasmic(some call it happy).
..I was watching my death.
Last edited by timbit2006 at Jun 8, 2010,