#1
C4C.

Might be a bit repetitive without the lyrics, so if you'd like to read them along with the music, here; I've labeled the stanzas to give a rough idea of their placement in the song. If you don't want to, feel free to just crit the music, just know that the first section will most likely get a bit bland.

(bar 9)
Beds of flowers, just metaphors,
for beauty and innocence.
Not for me, I don't deserve,
in present nor in future tense.

(bar 17)
They never die, instead, we do,
and place the blame in natures course.
We just have to accept,
that we can't perceive these metaphors.

(bar 25)
We cannot perceive perfection,
through observation, nor recollection.
Beauty was never in our possession,
just an object of obsession.

(bar 33)
Deaths of flowers, impossible,
the soul will always live forever.
Only bodies rot away,
only pseudo lovers sever.

(bar 41)
Perfection lives, by definition,
untouchable fidelity.
Transient waves, mislabeled passion,
only end in irony.

(bar 49)
We cannot perceive perfection,
through observation, nor recollection.
Beauty was never in our possession,
just an object of my obsession.

(bar 57)
Dream of flowers, dream of sleep,
this journey is all I need.
Perfection, I can't achieve,
Nirvana will be the death of me.

(bar 67)
Cannon fire, lives transpire,
they survive and we expire.

(bar 71)
Cannon fire, lives transpire,
they survive and we expire.

(bar 75)
Cannon fire, lives transpire,
they survive, now take me higher.

(bar 79)
Innocence will die in bliss;
ignorance will not be missed.

(bar 83)
So dream of flowers, dream of sleep,
this journey is all I need.
Perfection, I can't achieve,
Nirvana will be the death of me.


(bar 137)
Follow the eightfold path.

(bar 139)
Dream of flowers, dream of sleep,
this journey is all I need.
Perfection, I can't achieve,
Nirvana will be the death of me.
Attachments:
pad.gp5
#2
C4C my latest song

intro drumming sounds cool but pretty weird

dont get a grunge feel at all, i think id put it more into nu-metal or neo punk

tension building arpeggios fit in well

catchy riff

i liked a lot the figure starting at bar 99, a pretty early 00s good sounding bridge

a simple solo that fits almost perfectly to the song

and i think your greatest talent is lyricism

overall 9/10
#3
I like the intro drumming, very interesting.
I like the harmonies and disharmonies between the chords.
The ringing notes definitely give it a very hazy feel.
Could have done with the verses and choruses labelled.
When the 45 tom bit starts you could change the toms around a bit to make it more interesting but i do like this part. It all seems a bit repetitive but im sure lyrics would help.
I like the break bit and it builds up nicely but i feel like it doesnt go anywhere, could've done with a huge epic outro in my opinion.
My songs are all located here .
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Colossus
#4
I don't know if 'hazy' is the right word, but maybe it would be with the vocals. I love it the whole way, but I think the last chorus should go on longer, maybe repeat or something. It feels a little unbalanced to have that lead line build up to that epic chorus, and then said chorus is only about fifteen seconds, especially after all that build-up. Other than that, the whole thing was pretty cool. With a proper vocal line, this'll be awesome.

Also, out of curiosity do you intend to play this with a capo, or actually tune up a half step?
#5
Honestly, I made the decision to tune a half-step up at about 11:40 PM, when I first laid out the basis for this piece, and just didn't really think about it again when I really got to work on it in the morning. I'm thinking actually tune up a half-step, and see how everyone likes the tone on their instruments; if it gets a good tone, we'll play like that for the studio version. We'll probably just play it in standard live.