#1
I wrote this one in two separate parts. The first part was before the end of my prior relationship and the other part was directly following it. I hope you enjoy it.


Awake

Sometimes I wonder if this is just a dream.
Can everything really be how it seems?
Is this life for real or is it all a joke?
Can your heart be fixed once it's broke?

Why do I stay awake while the world's asleep?
What about my life makes me feel so cheap?
At what point did things start to go wrong?
Why should I care if you like my song?

I write things down to get them out of my head
Because while they're in there, I can't go to bed.
I just lay awake while they float around
Until I can grab a hold of some and pull them down.

Loneliness is constantly staring me in the face
Now that I'm by myself in my new place.
When I'm awake, there's no one there I can bother.
Not a mate, my sister or my new brother.

Now it's up to me to make my own way.
To get up each morning to face a "new" day.
The "new" deserves quotes because every one is the same.
If God is real, this is a cruel game.

These thoughts in my head and heart keep me awake.
I can't pretend to believe, I can't be a fake.
Something inside me yearns for something more.
I only stick around to see what's in store.

To see if, this time, you will really come through.
To see if this dream will really come true.
I lay awake and wait for you to be here.
To hold you so tight, to keep you so near.

Who am I in this world that I should know
The answer to life's questions, like where we go?
When it's all said and done, just what am I?
What REALLY happens when we all die?

What makes me so special to demand the right
To ease my mind so I can sleep at night?
My life's been a cakewalk compared to so many others,
Including my own father and my own mother.

But still, I sit here, physically drained.
I hurt so bad, though I feel no pain.
I wish I fully understood my brain.
I need to sort things out before I go insane.

Is there really one person that was meant just for me?
And if there is, have I found her already?
The waiting is torment, for me this is hell.
But I know that only time will tell.

It's partly because of her that I'm always awake.
Hoping these last two years haven't been a mistake.
I need this like I've never needed anything before.
If I get screwed again, I'm closing the door.

Never again will I let someone in
Just so they can hurt me again.
If this isn't real, I might as well die
Because my purpose for life will just be a lie.

I shouldn't build my life around somebody else
I should be independent, a loner, rely on myself.
Nobody can determine my path except me.
No one else can tell me what to be.

The time for us has come and gone.
Now I must find somewhere that I belong.
I still stay awake, thinking about everything that's happened.
About the feelings I still have and how my heart's been trampled.

You told me I meant more to you than anything else in the world,
But when it came time to be together, I didn't mean more than your girls.
I didn't mean enough for you to show me your real face.
I didn't mean enough for you to leave your place.

You said you'd do ANYTHING for me, but that was a lie.
If it was true, you would have at least given it a try.
You know I would have understood if you wanted to go back home,
But you couldn't even come here... you left me all alone.

The entire time we were together, I sacrificed DAILY for you.
No semblance of physical contact.... you don't know what I went through.
You will never know the love I actually felt to give that part up.
If I'm not touched, I feel unloved. It tore my heart up.

Then the day of truth comes and you're nowhere to be found.
You broke my heart so loudly, you MUST have heard the sound.
You told me not to contact you cause you wouldn't listen anyway.
If that's what true love really is, I don't know what to say.

I told you a couple weeks before the consequences of bailing out.
It sounded like you read it to me instead of mailing it out.
I know it wasn't a last minute decision, you must have been planning it for a while.
You asked me for my address a couple weeks ago, and I'm guessing that's why.

I've been awake all night pretty much every night since and that's not gonna change.
I can't stop thinking about how things SHOULD be now and everything's so strange.
I haven't heard your voice in almost two weeks after talking for hours on end each day.
GOD how I wish things were different.... I wish there would have been another way.

I wish there was a way I could trust you, to see you, to hold you.
You took advantage of me and lied to me even when I TOLD you.
I told you I didn't care a bit what you looked like and I still don't.
I wish there was some way I could trust myself with you but I can't and I won't.

You treated me so much better than anyone I've ever known.
Because of that, I can't forget you, even when I'm not alone.
These last two weeks have been the hardest in my life.
I really couldn't imagine anyone else as my wife.

You played me though... you hurt me, you lied.
Not the same way as everyone else... you at least tried.
You made me feel better about how I feel inside.
You are the only one for whom I've cried.

The things you've done for me will always remain.
I will always miss you though, it's driving me insane.
I wish you the best in your life from now on.
I'm sorry to say, my faith is now gone.

I invested every last bit of it in you.
You let me down, you stole it away, there's nothing I can do.
It's going to take a long time for me to recover from this pain too.
But once I'm done healing, I'll be stronger, so I guess I should thank you.
#4
Hey

I really liked this, especially the nihilistic, Philosophy style writings on the 6th and 8th stanzas.

I also like the last stanza, I thought the last line wrapped everything up in a better way than I could

Have a look at mine? Both on the first page, either the one called Empire, or Numinous I dont mind which