talking fast
kissing slow
this won't last
that i know

time passed by
time we shared
i'll say hi
you won't care

i hope this summer
i hope it lasts forever
will you remember
will you remember me next year
I like the simple idea behind the layout and pace, and what it means, but it still fails to speculate anything about itself other than what the layout already does. Which is kinda like giving us a 5th of a glass of water and expecting us to walk on through the desert for the next two days without an ounce of moaning. - it won't nearly quench our thirst.

In other words, you can't just give us ONE aspect when writing (unless of course that's all it needs). In my opinion, each piece should be as waterlogged as possible - without hindering the meaning or over-saturating the flow. It needs to have all the nooks-n-crannies perfectly filled and taken care of. Only then will it be as good as it can be.

My advice would be to take the boring, plain words and give them life. I know that's a very general thing to say, but there is no other way of putting it. It's something you have to feel. Before anything cab be anything for the better, you need to be able to write the same poem in a hundred different ways without too much problem. Once you understand the ins-n-outs, you can then tear it apart yourself and reignite it's meaning with new terminology.

Also, the last verse seemed to lose it's flow. You might want to watch out for that and be more pedantic with the finished product.