#1
I really need some ideas on were I can take this song like concept, story, etc.
And yea I know. It's totally emo tinged..I'm just a chick who fully embraces her raging hormones lol.. And yes. Its very short.


I can't stay away from these grey may days,
it envelopes everything even the words that I say
I look into myself and tell the shadow go away
It’s all I can do to keep the cloudiness at bay
#2
Talk about how you look at urself but all you see is a dark shadowy figure and how there is this "cloud" that covers you, hope i helped
#3
The main problem with this piece is that everything you're saying is very cliche. However, that being said, even the most cliched idea can become interesting depending on how you present it. The best thing you could do for this piece is stay away from the basic rhyming scheme you've used. Not only have you used really simple basic rhymes, but also an AAAA rhyming scheme, which is ridiculously boring. Shake it up, maybe do an ABAB rhyming scheme, or even an ABCB. A more complex rhyming scheme immediately makes whatever you're saying much more interesting. Try using more complex rhymes such as internal rhymes or try rhyming a more simple word with a more complex word, or try a half rhyme where two words sound like the rhyme but don't completely. All this would help make what you're saying more interesting.

Also, try to stay away from cliche phrases, or if you have to use them, present them in a way that isn't cliched, or that highlights and mocks the cliche.

Hope all of this could help you. Most importantly, keep writing and trying new things, you'll soon find yourself developing a strong style.
#4
^ ^ what kdownes said; you should be trying to writelyrics reflecting yourself not the views of a society don't cover up what you're thinking with aphorisms of the emo scene because it's all been done before!

That being said don't give up if you've started to write lyrics you obviously have something to say there's just more interesting ways to express yourself.

Night man!
#5
hahah true that kdowns cliched to the brim..most of the pieces I come up with are very nursery rhymie. Thanks for being nice.