#1
so this is kinda about feeling helpless , basically , please be nice , i could do with some positive comments atm

verse 1:
if life was a pool
i'd be the one there sinking
trying desperately
to get myself back swimmimg

doing my best to
scratch the surface
but im drowning
accidentley on purpose

bridge:
caught between
a rock and a hard place
just let me
put on a brave face

chorus:
i was a little fish
in a big pond
now im a little fish
floating to the top
on my back
my eyes collapsed
sorry if you weren't
expecting that

verse 2:
dont you just hate it when
life's going alright then
something gets you and
you lose your appetite
a bus comes down the street
you pray for a collision
anything to free you from
your personal prison

repeat bridge

repeat chorus

middle 8:
set , set me free
permanently
permanently
im sorry but this
is how it should have been

set , set me free
permanently
permanently
im sorry but this
is how it should have been

repeat chorus twice ..
#2
I really liked this, much better than what I can manage. I especially liked the part in the bridge 'Just put on a brave face'. The chorus, I really didnt expect, just like you wrote, but I thought that again showed the theme of helplessness, staying true to the theme.

Take a look at mine?

Its on the first page, titled 'Numinous'
#3
The first time I read it I saw the clichés 'Accidently on purpose' etc.. and thought it would be another samey piece about being young and depressed. But the second time I read it I got saw what you were trying to do and I think it's really quite clever. With a bit of work and fix the spelling mistakes it'll flow really well and some of the rhymings quite smart too its not boring ABAB or AAAA (eugh). Well done!

Later man!
#4
This sounds pretty cool I'd really like to actually listen to the song, or maybe contribute on writing the music for it, good job. What style are you planning for this?
#5
Quote by Damaged Roses
This sounds pretty cool I'd really like to actually listen to the song, or maybe contribute on writing the music for it, good job. What style are you planning for this?


well i havent got anything recorded yet , but i have a chord progression and full guitar part written down (its acoustic atm but i'll probably change it , planning to show it to me new band actually) im not really sure how i'd describe it tbh , it sounds a bit like jimmy eat world / death cab for cutie but slightly darker . sorry about the crap explanation lol.