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#1
Well Pit... I just found out today that a good friend of mine committed suicide wednesday night. She downed her entire prescription of anti-depressants...

When I was first told.. I didn't really react at all.. it's still not really... real.. to me yet.. It probably won't really hit me until the funeral, when I actually see her.

I'm slowly getting worse, particularly since I just recalled what she wrote on my facebook wall on my birthday on the sunday that just passed :
"Happy birthday! I hope one post will convey how much I ♥ you, since I have no desire to spam your wall like a certain Ms. Smith...
And we ARE doing something this week. No arguments."

(the Ms. Smith thing is referring to my best friend who spammed the crap out of it).

We never got to do anything. We didn't even plan anything yet...

Needless to say, the next few days are gonna be full of suck.

So, how do you guys deal with death?

EDIT: I also have to work at 7AM tomorrow morning, and probably won't sleep very well tonight.... should be a FUUUUN morning.
Last edited by dark&broken at Jun 12, 2010,
#2


Oh my god man, that shits tough. When someone your age dies, especially one of your friends.



Best of luck to you.
daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#3
Rationalize it as a natural process, always helps.

edit: I meant death in general, doesn't really help you
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Last edited by damian_91 at Jun 12, 2010,
#7
Quote by RawPower218
does your friend happen to be Justin Bieber?

GTFO now.

No seriously. Just leave and shut the fuck up. K? K.
daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#8
Man I'm sorry that sucks.
When my grandma died (which was the only death I ever really experienced), I didn't really show any emotion, just kinda held it all in and thought that if I didn't show how I felt I wouldn't feel bad. Needless to say I had a bit of a breakdown about a month after the fact. So I guess the only thing I can tell you is not to hold your feelings in, cry and try to just let how you feel come out. You'll feel better once you've done that. And I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend
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#9
Quote by dark&broken
Downing an entire prescription of anti-depressants at once is hardly natural.

I don't think that's what he meant. I think he meant that everyone dies at some point and while it doesn't help with the pain, the logic of it might make more sense to you.
daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#10
Quote by afterthewar
Man I'm sorry that sucks.
When my grandma died (which was the only death I ever really experienced), I didn't really show any emotion, just kinda held it all in and thought that if I didn't show how I felt I wouldn't feel bad. Needless to say I had a bit of a breakdown about a month after the fact. So I guess the only thing I can tell you is not to hold your feelings in, cry and try to just let how you feel come out. You'll feel better once you've done that. And I'm really sorry about the loss of your friend

Yeah... my emotions kinda turn themselves off automatically.. probably until the funeral, at which point i'll be surrounded by crying people, and my mind won't be able to deny the reality of it to itself anymore... it's gonna suck.
#11
Sorry for your loss, man.

To be honest, I never really feel much. My emotional system more or less shuts down entirely. Nothing really gets me happy or excited during the time of grieving, but at the same time nothing really gets me down either. I guess it's just apathy. It sounds horrible, and it's not that I don't actually grieve the passing of loved ones, it's just that I don't really quite understand my emotions when it happens. It's hard to explain.

For example, I still feel like my grandfather's death never really "hit me." I came to terms with it over a period of about a month, and even the funeral didn't really effect me all that much emotionally. I'm sure it would be a lot different if it were someone I was closer to and it was unexpected, though.
Last edited by xaviergray at Jun 12, 2010,
#12
Quote by JayT44
I don't think that's what he meant. I think he meant that everyone dies at some point and while it doesn't help with the pain, the logic of it might make more sense to you.

I know he probably didn't mean anything bad... but it's kinda hard to rationalize someone taking their own life. I knew she had depression and was medicated.. but I never even suspected it was this bad.. it's just so ****ing sudden and unexpected.
#13
Quote by RawPower218
does your friend happen to be Justin Bieber?

That was a piss poor attempt at being funny, Congratulations, you're an asshole.


To TS.
I know no little post on a website can really do much to help you cope with something like that, But I'm terribly sorry to hear about that. Just, do what we all do and let time do what it does, and heal what it can heal.
Hope you're okay dude.
#14
Quote by Coheed777

To TS.
I know no little post on a website can really do much to help you cope with something like that, But I'm terribly sorry to hear about that. Just, do what we all do and let time do what it does, and heal what it can heal.
Hope you're okay dude.

Yeah... I'm not really expecting to be uplifted or anything from this.. it's just helping me to actually say it.. my mind is still having trouble accepting that it's real..

As for the healing, it reminded me of something I saw today :

"The wound in your heart isn’t meant to heal. It’s a gift, a reminder… not of who you lost, but who you loved." -MJ Caraway
#15
I know your pain man, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a friend is never good. A close friend of mine (also was an ex) committed suicide last year. Just take your time let out your emotions. Cry. Let it all out. Last year when my friend passed away I broke down in the middle of my cafeteria. Just take it one day at a time bud, its a painful process. If you need to talk shoot me a message if you want. Take care.
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#16
André, I know what you mean. If you find the want and opportunity at any particular moment though to just let everything out and go, do it, and let it be the best catharsis you can offer yourself. I think that's the best advice I could offer.

Sorry for your loss. Suicide is a mind fuck sometimes.

EDIT: If you're much of a reader, pick up a book you can escape in nicely as well. Escapism in the longer term might be handy.
Last edited by Craigo at Jun 12, 2010,
#17
Quote by SoftParade1967
I know your pain man, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a friend is never good. A close friend of mine (also was an ex) committed suicide last year. Just take your time let out your emotions. Cry. Let it all out. Last year when my friend passed away I broke down in the middle of my cafeteria. Just take it one day at a time bud, its a painful process. If you need to talk shoot me a message if you want. Take care.

Thanks, I've got people I can talk to though, so I think i'll be alright. I'm usually the one doing the comforting anyways, so I'll probably have a wet shoulder.
#18
Quote by dark&broken
Yeah... I'm not really expecting to be uplifted or anything from this.. it's just helping me to actually say it.. my mind is still having trouble accepting that it's real..

As for the healing, it reminded me of something I saw today :

"The wound in your heart isn’t meant to heal. It’s a gift, a reminder… not of who you lost, but who you loved." -MJ Caraway


Those words are as true as anything.
I was at my uncles funeral recently, seeing grown men in tears but being there as much as they could for eachother.

As awful as things like this are, as tragic as they are.
Take comfort in the fact that you're not the only one dealing with the pain of losing someone you love.
Not in the sense of not being alone, but in the sense of having someone that could be there for your through this while you could be there for them, having the same memories of someone you loved, and feeling the same pain.

I hope you feel better with time, man.
Last edited by Coheed777 at Jun 12, 2010,
#19
Agreed, just gotta give it time my friend. It won't make sense for a long time, you just gotta hang in there and weather the storm. We all are moving slowly towards the same inevitable fate of death. If you kinda pull yourself out of this situation, it could happen now or it could happen later and it can happen to anyone, but it doesn't change the fact that it has to happen. Unfortunately it had to happen to you and it had to happen now. Thats just the way life works. Sorry if that sounded cold, it was meant to help. You have my deepest sympathies and best of luck to you
#20
Im glad im not the only one who doesnt get "hit" by emotions. especially since a few people have died in the past year or two that ive grown up with. i can come to terms with it and i dont know why.
Me and Tom Brokaw are like "This"
#21
It will hit you, be very bad, than slowly return to near normal most likely, as is the way of things. It's tough, stay strong and remember there is still some good in the world out there.
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#22
Quote by dark&broken
Thanks, I've got people I can talk to though, so I think i'll be alright. I'm usually the one doing the comforting anyways, so I'll probably have a wet shoulder.


Just make sure you get yours out too, don't hold those feelings in.
Quote by metalcore123
I hate trying to cover up my cheese in school because the bimbo next to me dislikes the smell of pure love.

I'm bringing farts back!
#23
Quote by dark&broken
Well Pit... I just found out today that a good friend of mine committed suicide wednesday night. She downed her entire prescription of anti-depressants...

When I was first told.. I didn't really react at all.. it's still not really... real.. to me yet.. It probably won't really hit me until the funeral, when I actually see her.

I'm slowly getting worse, particularly since I just recalled what she wrote on my facebook wall on my birthday on the sunday that just passed :
"Happy birthday! I hope one post will convey how much I ♥ you, since I have no desire to spam your wall like a certain Ms. Smith...
And we ARE doing something this week. No arguments."

(the Ms. Smith thing is referring to my best friend who spammed the crap out of it).

We never got to do anything. We didn't even plan anything yet...

Needless to say, the next few days are gonna be full of suck.

So, how do you guys deal with death?

EDIT: I also have to work at 7AM tomorrow morning, and probably won't sleep very well tonight.... should be a FUUUUN morning.


hey man sorry fr ur loss....all i can say is that this is one of those times u really are gonna realize the role of music in ur life....\m/\m/..keep walking bro!
#24
Dude, don't go to work. Take it off.

I can't express or correlate my words well enough to explain these things to you, just know that we're all here for you, the hugging thread too. Don't be afraid to open up when it hits you.


Sorry for your loss,
#25
Quote by LeVl@th@n
hey man sorry fr ur loss....all i can say is that this is one of those times u really are gonna realize the role of music in ur life....\m/\m/..keep walking bro!

Yeah... I had Isis' latest album blaring in my car the whole way... Music is my ever-present and ever-faithful rock... I'm slightly afraid to pick up my guitar and start playing..

EDIT: I'll probably slide into older Evanescence and/or Evergrey soon... That and some Tool, most definitely Fiddler on the Green by demons & wizards.. those are always my go to depressing music.
Last edited by dark&broken at Jun 12, 2010,
#26
The best way to deal with death is to focus on life.

Thats how I do it.
It's some dark times for me as well, my Grandmother is dying of cancer right now as I speak it might be a few more days for her tops, and my wifes mother is dying of cancer as well and in her final moments maybe again 3-4 days left.

It's pretty heavy stuff and over the years I have dealt with several other death's this is just acqward because it's 2 at the same time and really what I do is extend my help to those that survived the death of the loved one.

Right now my wifes dad is watching his wife of some 60 years die and it's the most trying time of his life and we are there for him.

What I mean is you goto help the people that dealt with it first hand like her parents, brothers or sisters, friends and in turn it will help you cope as well.

GOod luck because suicide is the toughest of all, everyone blames themselves.
#27
I haven't read this thread yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating what someone else said, but:

Personally, when someone close to me dies, I'm (obviously) sad, but after the initial grieving, I celebrate their life time. I look back on the times we had with joy. While it's true that those times may never be recreated, I celebrate the time we spent together on this Earth.

As for the whole dealing with, taking my mind off thing...music. I listen to music they liked, or music we both liked, I maybe compose a short acoustic bit in their memory, and I find doing that gets out a lot of my negativity. From my mind to the strings.

Other than that, I read, play video games, etc, etc.
My Last.fm

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#28
Wow dude, that sucks. I personally have never really have to deal with a death of anyone close to me, but I would imagine it sucks horribly bad.

pyramid from me.





If I may give a tip, put your self out through music. If you play guitar, play exactly what you feel, even if it's hard-pressed pick scraping and bending strings until the break.
#29
Quote by HelloHalo
I haven't read this thread yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating what someone else said, but:

No need to apologize, all kind thoughts are welcome.


Personally, when someone close to me dies, I'm (obviously) sad, but after the initial grieving, I celebrate their life time. I look back on the times we had with joy. While it's true that those times may never be recreated, I celebrate the time we spent together on this Earth.

Yeah, earlier tonight we just did something she'd always wanted to do (I won't repeat it here because some people will probably be offended or think it's horrible or some such shit). It was nice..


As for the whole dealing with, taking my mind off thing...music. I listen to music they liked, or music we both liked, I maybe compose a short acoustic bit in their memory, and I find doing that gets out a lot of my negativity. From my mind to the strings.

Other than that, I read, play video games, etc, etc.

Yeah.. I kinda screwed myself for that lol.. I just started replaying Dead Space (hoping ot actually finish it this time), which I can only ever play for maybe an hour at a time.. really not the kinda thing to get my mind off stuff now lol.. and the book I'm currently reading is part of a series that i pretty much started because of her.. but music will always be there for me.
#30
Whatever you do, make sure you try and cry.
When my mother died, I cried a little bit, but I haven't cried in the past 4 years, and it's made me emotionally screwed up I guess :/
#31
Quote by tyler_j
Whatever you do, make sure you try and cry.
When my mother died, I cried a little bit, but I haven't cried in the past 4 years, and it's made me emotionally screwed up I guess :/

This. I don't remember the last time I've cried. I want to, I just can't.
daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#32
How do i deal with death???

I just keep on living man...

that is what is needed to be done.
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What a talented person.
#33
Quote by JayT44
This. I don't remember the last time I've cried. I want to, I just can't.


I've come close to it before, but even the saddest thing I experience can not make me cry at all.
#34
Quote by RawPower218
does your friend happen to be Justin Bieber?


Hey this is serious. Just because no one likes Justin Beiber doesn't mean you have to make a joke when someone's friend dies.
#35
Quote by tyler_j
I've come close to it before, but even the saddest thing I experience can not make me cry at all.

Yeah me too man, me too. I've been depressed over the past few months and wanted to cry, but I just... couldn't. The closest I got was I teared up from watching Requiem for a Dream.
daytripper75

Bullieve


Quote by Amuro Jay
I'm gonna need specific instructions again on how to properly dance with my pants on my head.
Quote by lolmnt
First you put your pants on your head.
Second you dance.
Third you wipe off all the pussy.
#36
I'm sorry man. I've never had anybody close to me die, so I don't have any good advice.
*-)
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#37
I did that once. I didn't die though. I don't know what to tell you, man. I am apathetic about death, personally.
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#39


Sorry man. That's very sad. I can't ahndle death very well, so I can't help you without making it worse, I just wanted to post this so you knew that I cared.
#40
eHugs my man. its going to suck for a bit. my mother committed suicide the same way as your friend, around 40 months ago.

it'll get easier. you just have to tell yourself that there is nothing you can do about it now, so its time to move on.

not a single day goes by that i dont miss my mom, but after this long of time, you'll come to accept it as passing. you'll move on more quick than you imagine. the funeral will be the hardest part, and then its all sort of "downhill" if i can say that.

and this will sound cruel, but the way i see it, if that person really didnt want to live, ultimately, they were happy with the choice, and if they were willing to screw you over that hard, its not worth the pain of grieving over.
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