#1
your eyes are windows;
lovers in place,
lilacs & lace.

shut up or sit down,
crawl into bed and
slip beneath my arms.
it wasn't weather or weeds-
or it's never getting better
like i even know what better means.
it wasn't tailors or bees
trailers or trees,
they did it like they've done it
even when you don't believe.
framing your face with
lilacs & lace.

and your bedroom always smelled like-
and your bed it always felt like-
rethink the record that quiets this grace
or i guess there's just
two more things left to hate,
lilacs & lace.
Last edited by NGD1313 at Jun 12, 2010,
#2
hey, it'll be okay. lilacs and lace never chose to be encapsulated by a person, and they transcend the connection between you and said person... you have many other things under your sleeve, hidden in your pockets, and stuffed under your pillow, but more importantly you have your head and it can choose to label things with a person or label things with their own essence

lilacs are nice, lace can be pretty, and that's all they need to be if it eases your heart
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
this is equal parts beautiful and bitter.
i've never eaten a lilac, but i imagine it would be very much the same.
i really like this.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#4
Though I loved the juxtaposition some elements, the wonderful alliteration of lilacs and lace, with the hard C against the soft one, I didn't think that they actually brought the contrast that is found in the writing.

Like Mike said, there's bitterness and beauty in there, the language is sometimes forgiving and sometimes cutting through, the enjambment is cold and surgical, there's simplicity in the words, but not in the sentences, but I cannot seem to find this makes sense as a whole.

This feels like rhymes were cheapened in a way, as the rhythm was unsuitable and lacked finesse, and mostly I didn't find this polished enough to give a complete meaning.

As hard as I find it to explain what this made me feel, is exactly how it made me feel when I read it. I think awkward would be the best description, but it sounds really bad, and this wasn't a bad piece. Just a bit lost.
#5
I'm with Carmel.
It all just felt a bit awkward.
it wasn't weather or weeds-
or it's never getting better
like i even know what better means.
it wasn't tailors or bees
trailers or trees,

I think these lines here are a perfect example of that.
The rhyming and the rhythm dominate over any substance in these lines, and comes off cheap and hollow