#1
Anyone got any cool stories taxi drivers told them?

I got two:

One was from a middle-eastern guy, who was telling me about his son getting married to a girl he'd known for 17 years, but only met her 2 weeks before the wedding (they were penpals), and the other was from this old german tatooed guy, who saw me with my guitar case, and told me about his metal band back in the 70's, and how they opened for Black Sabbath once and that Iommi was a prick to him (it's what he told me, I dunno if it's true).

Go!
#3
The bastards never tell me their stories, though one of them did say that he will kill again
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#4
This guy told me there was gonna be a rampage once.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#5
Quote by Neopowell the PUSO
This guy told me there was gonna be a rampage once.

Too soon.
████████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
█████████████████████████
██████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
███████████████████████████
#7
I met one who used to be an opera singer, but ****ed his voice and now sounds like he has a throat made of rusty metal held together by dry phlegm. He told me all about the shenanigans classical singers get up to, which apparently isn't much.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#8
Friend of mine was travelling in Ghana, and needed to get from an airport to his hotel. He got into the taxi, and said "x hotel please". The driver careered off at full tilt, driving at about 60 through packet streets, overtaking, undertaking, nearly running over every poor sod who couldn't get out of the way. He shot straight out of the other side of town, and started driving off into the countryside. My friend got worried and asked him where he was being taken. The driver lost it, screamed that this was all the white man's fault, that his family was dying and poor, that life was unjust and he was going to drive over a cliff and end it all. He was rabid, foaming at the mouth, and was headed straight towards a quarry. At the edge of the quarry, he stopped, turned back to my friend, and said "You've been punk'd."

It then transpired that he had no idea where the hotel was, so just wanted to have a bit of fun.
#9
Quote by Kensai
Too soon.


I feel deeply, deeply ashamed and need to be punished.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#10
During the taxi ride home after a night out the driver was telling us about these two women he picked up to go to Scotland... halfway through the journey he looks round and they're both going at it... what a lucky guy
#11
I've never ridden in a taxi. I've always been within walking distance of a place or have had my own car.
Quote by Tyler Durden
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

Erowid
#12
Quote by webbtje
Friend of mine was travelling in Ghana, and needed to get from an airport to his hotel. He got into the taxi, and said "x hotel please". The driver careered off at full tilt, driving at about 60 through packet streets, overtaking, undertaking, nearly running over every poor sod who couldn't get out of the way. He shot straight out of the other side of town, and started driving off into the countryside. My friend got worried and asked him where he was being taken. The driver lost it, screamed that this was all the white man's fault, that his family was dying and poor, that life was unjust and he was going to drive over a cliff and end it all. He was rabid, foaming at the mouth, and was headed straight towards a quarry. At the edge of the quarry, he stopped, turned back to my friend, and said "You've been punk'd."

It then transpired that he had no idea where the hotel was, so just wanted to have a bit of fun.

if that is true, then that taxi driver is a fucking asshole, and my new hero
#13
Quote by Kensai
Too soon.

It's never too soo... nah it really is

Well the last time I was in a taxi, the driver was just talking and then his phone started ringing. This girl was trying to talk to him, and he just started shouting "Where's Charleeeneeee?!" over and over again. But then he phoned someone else who said she was with some guy, and he started getting really angry and saying "I'm just dropping this guy [twould be me] off I'm coming to get her after that". But then he tried to phone Charlene and the signal was awful so he had to repeat half of what he was saying like fifty times.

"Whe-where are-"
"What?"
"Where are you?"
"What?"
"Charleeeeeeenneeeeeee!"
#14
Quote by CoreysMonster
if that is true, then that taxi driver is a fucking asshole, and my new hero


Disturbingly yeah, it's actually true. He had tried to call the cops but his phone was out of battery.
#15
We missed the last train after a Lamb Of God concert.
Despite one of my friends missing a T-shirt.
the other missing a shoe.
He still drove us from Glasgow to irvine despite us only having about 20 quid between us.

He didn't say much..
On playing the Paul Gilbert signature at the guitar store extensively, my missus sighed:
"Put it down now, It's like you love that guitar more than me!"
In Which I replied.
"Well it has got two F-Holes!"
#16
Quote by Kensai
Too soon.



Alright, I've had my head in the oven for the past few days. What's this too soon shit about?
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#17
Last time I went in a taxi, I smoked up with the driver who had some insane hash. We drove around in circles and he dropped me off where I got on.

I miss him sometimes at night.
Quote by thanksgiving
I'm coming for you with a castrator!
You sick bastard.



Watch that video below

If this video reaches 1000 views before Christmas, I'll play with my titties on cam.

#19
Quote by padgea7x
Alright, I've had my head in the oven for the past few days. What's this too soon shit about?


Apparantly joking about mass murder is Kensia's new hot button. Google 'Cumbria' and 'Taxi Driver' for a full explanation.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#20
Had many funny taxi rides.Used to always catch a taxi back to this area with a friend and he would record what was said.One old guy started saying mid way through a conversation that his wife is in a wheel chair and he has to wipe her arse.It was the most random thing ever said and probly added to my ****ed up sense of humor.My friend still has the recording.
#21
Him: "That's a big bag you've got there, you been on holiday?"
Me: "Yeah, just got back from a Summer in Canada"
Him: "Oh, nice. Did you go see the Grand Canyon?"
Me: "..."


Another one told also told me that people shouldn't be so worried about car crashes, because there's nothing in a car that can explode. I was like, nah, just that big tank of fuel you carry around with you. Tool.
FALKIRK

We'll win something someday

Quote by Minkaro
Falkirk is the home of runners up.

Check out my Tunes
#23
I have a friend who (idiotically) threw a rock at a taxi and hit it. The taxi driver chased him because of this, caught up with him, and then beat him up in the trunk. My idiot friend shat his pants as a result.
#24
Saturday/friday night taxi rides are always fun.

A friend of mine almost walked away from a taxi ride with a shiny new PSP. Driver found it on the backseat a couple of weeks ago, no-one had tried to reclaim it, so the driver offered to give it to my friend (He was discussing videogames with the other guy in the taxi at the time). Unfortunately, the driver didn't have it in the glove compartment, he had taken it home or something.

I also met the most badass taxi driver ever. He had a pocket watch and smoked cigars, which he also offered us
🙈 🙉 🙊
#25
Me: Nice night out...
Him: All the animals come out at night - *****s, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.
Me: Cool story bro.
Quote by Dirtydeeds468
Holy Crap.

I love you more than life itself.
#27
Quote by Neopowell the PUSO
Apparantly joking about mass murder is Kensia's new hot button. Google 'Cumbria' and 'Taxi Driver' for a full explanation.


Ah right, I forgot that mad fucker was a taxi driver. It wasn't too soon, it was quite funny to me..
Kensai's becoming boring, he should become a mod...
They made me do push ups in drag

I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals and racists.

Don't dress as a whore, he'll thump you.

I'm a firework, primed to go off
#28
I was drinking with Beserker last night, ad he phoned a taxi, and went out and got one just driving around. I phoned one and when I saw the one Beserker called I thought it was mine, and ended up having a ten minute debate with the guy over who he could pick up and whether or not Robby was coming to get it.

GODDAMNIT ROB!
The UG Awards exist only to instill me with existential doubt.


For me, the 60's ended that day in 1978...

Willies. Fuck the lick and fuck you too.
#29
This is not technically a taxi story.

One time I was getting the bus home from Dublin, but the way the buses work over there is that there's two buses side by side that both go to Cork and both leave at exactly the same time, but one of them stops in my town in the middle, and one doesn't. You have to use all your cunning. And one day, all my cunning wasn't enough.

So there we were, just after passing my town and I'm all begging the bus driver to let me off at the next stop so I can hitchhike back and he's like "NO!" He was also an enormous black man. So in the end he said he'd take me back with him after we got to Cork and I assumed that he was picking up another bus full of passengers.

I was wrong.

So he brought me back home(over an hour away) in essentially the biggest, most fuel-inefficient taxi the world has ever seen, for free.

He showed me how the bus worked and we talked about the Smiths and about how he came from Africa and he was hardly ever home with his wife because of his job. Nice guy.
Last edited by Declan87 at Jun 12, 2010,
#31
I met a taxi driver who was telling me about the game systems in the future, apparently he actually went there, of course he tells me there's a new xbox, and some new console called the Meggido, and every sentence he kept ending it with things like, "I've seen the future" or, "Trust me, I was there" like he was writing some sort of sci-fi shit poem to me.

I honestly didn't know what to say, so I payed him 4 dollars for the ride and got out.
#32
My wife and I took the TGV from Paris to Geneva. Caught a cab at the train station to take us to our hotel. The cabbie was quite nice giving us a very descriptive tour of Geneva as he was taking us to our destination. After about 30 minutes we arrived at our hotel. We paid the cabbie and went to our room, looked out the window and saw the train station right below us.
Bastard took us for quite a ride.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
#33
I have a bus driver one. Me and a friend were going to watch Pompey vs Fulham at Fulham and the bus was packed to the limit so we were right next to the driver so we had a bit of a chat about the game. Anyway, he found out that we liked Portsmouth and advised us that it'll be quicker to walk there because traffic was 'so bad'. We get off thinking he's on good terms with us and a minute later he speeds past us and it starts raining.
Quote by the_white_bunny
your just a simpleton that cant understand strategy apparently.

Quote by the_white_bunny
all hail king of the penis sucking(i said balls. you said dick for some reason?) Isabiggles