#1
Whats with you
and your sorry state,
You always win
and your never late,

Your up yourself
and your so mean,
your a self obsessed
beauty queen,

*Instrumental Break*

Leave us alone
we think your a cow,
nothing gets through
her thick skull,

She thinks shes smart
shes so keen,
a self-obsessed
beauty queen,

*Instrumental Break-Solo*

Whats with you
your so lean,
you anorexic
beauty queen,

Whats with you
your a fiend,
such a bitchy
beauty queen,

Whats with you
your so mean,
you feisty, crazy
beauty queen,

Whats with you
your so keen,
to be a slutty
beauty queen,

*Instrumental Break*

Beauty Queen X4 (Fade Out)
#2
The vibe I got off this, is a pop-punk style writings ?

I think you could possibly replace some phrases like 'Your so mean' as I think they sound a bit High school angst-ish, unless thats what your going, which is pretty common in pop-punk I admire anyone that can rhyme though, I take the easy option out and write unorthodox poems and lyrics

Take a look at mine ? 'Numinous' , its in my sig

Thanks
#3
Yeah, i was going for the punk style vibe, fast riffs sorta yell type singing...
at this stage, its only a draft, much to be improved...
cheers for the comment,
TheAscendant 8)
#5
It reminds me alot of "Papa Roach - Hollywood *****".

Also, something minor, all of the uses of "your" are supposed to be "you're".
I don't like the line "We think you're a cow", It just doesn't seem to fit, and it's a pretty weak line. I'm sure you could come up with somthing better that adds to the vibe more.

Other than that, I like it alot, get a good bit of music to it and it could be a good song.
#6
i wrote 'your' just to save time, i know it is ment to be 'you're', minor punctuation...
uhm...as i said before in my last comment, it is still at draft stage and much to be improved, still need to write guitar, drums and bass music to it...
thanks for your opinion...
Cheers,
TheAscendant 8)