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Back in the 1980s/1990s my best friend and I were the masters of the prank call. So much so that it dominated our lives from about 1988 - 1992.

This story is about 1990 - 1992 season of prank calling. It is 100% true. I have left stuff out but added nothing in that didn't happen.

Gerry passed away in 2002 and I have just recently started telling this story - as we swore each other to secrecy.

I am working on a book based upon these 20 months of my childhood.

You can't do prank calling anymore because of caller ID, but back then it was the best.

I should mention that my best friend passed away a few years back and true to our childhood pact I was able to put "the list" into his coffin. I was thinking about him this morning and wanted to write this down.

One year we had to go to "summer gym" because we had failed gym. Summer gym was awesome. Our class could have been a sitcom. There was a jock instructor, a gay black guy named Tracy, a hot girl who failed gym so she wouldn't mess up her hair, a Jeff Spicoli character named Chris and this giant redneck guy named Maximilian Mullins - a.k.a. - Dave.

Back then there were no iPods. There was no rap-metal. Kids were divided between being metal heads (AC-DC, KISS, Motley Crue, etc...), Funksters (Bobby Brown, Vanila Ice, Snow) and the preps - who liked Belinda Carlile and the pop stuff. Some records were liked by everyone - License to Ill, Straight Outta Compton, Led Zep, etc...

Anyway, at summer gym the funksters (I think their names were Jay and George) would play Bel Biv de Voe's Poison and dance before gym. This was not only gay (I mean that in the 90s version) it was also sickening to us rockers.

One day Dave (if you called him Maximillion he would murder you - the first day he made that clear) brought in a huge ghetto blaster complete with TV and Turntable and blasted Kiss' Love it Loud (off Destroyer). Since his ghetto blaster was so loud nobody had a chance. Within a few days Jay and George were even leaving their radio at home.

It was around this time my friend and I became friends with Dave. I had a Les Paul and he wanted to see it. We also used to jam in my friend's basement (he played drums) so we invited Dave over. He was a shitty guitar player but we were all friends.

Dave was huge. He was about 6'4" tall and all muscle. He had red hair and talked like a stereotypical southerner. He also dressed like an idiot - huge suede boots with fringe, no shirt, leather biker jacket and skin tight colored jeans. He was also very passive and was nice to everyone.

There was a super hot life guard and when we had pool Dave would try to hit on her. She was probably about 23 and was not interested but it used to be fun to see Dave try.

I used to pretend I was drowning so she would have to rescue me and then I would laugh about it.

One of Dave's talents was the ability to walk around the bottom of the pool. The guy could hold his breath for what seemed like hours. When we would have the dive stick contests he would walk around and get them all.

I asked him how he did it - he also would brag of all the change he found on the bottom of the pool - he told me the trick was to let all the air out of your lungs. I did this and sunk like a rock. The problem was I could not go up to the top. As I was drowning, I remember seeing the hot lifeguard through the bottom of the pool saying, "I'm not going to fall for that" or something like that.

Dave rescued me and saved my life. He was a good guy.

We also had weight lifting class. All of us were about the same size with the exception being Dave and Tracy. Tracy would draw the Statue of Liberty on a blackboard and proclaim how strong we were while we would work out to Kiss, AC-DC, etc....

Dave was the undisputed champion of lifting weights. I decided to try to impress one of the hot girls by trying to bench incline what Dave had. Dave was spotting me and the weights nearly broke my chest when they fell. I was trying to get it off my chest while Dave screamed to push. big drop of sweat was coming down his nose and I swear it was adreneline because I threw that weight up there and got the hell out of the way.

Now one thing Dave could do was push every plate of the leg machine up without a problem. I remember in my school of 4000 nobody could do it. One day Dave did it. Some kids from the football team (American, not the lame one) came in because they didn't believe it. He kind of became a micro celebrity over that.

Now my friend (Gerry) got a funny idea one day. He called Dave over and said some hot chick said he couldn't do it. Gerry pulled the pin out of the weights and put it in the lightest pin instead of the heaviest.

Nobody else saw him do this. Dave went back and took a deep breath and pushed forward - the whole nautalis machine lifter half off the ground and Dave had a terrified look on his face. The pin went flying across the room. Everyone laughed. Dave said, "There's something fishy about this".

That was a turning point because we figured out that making Dave look stupid was more fun then being his friend. It also gave a rush because we were screwing with someone who could kill us if he found out.

Somehow or another Gerry decided to buy a Crate amp from Dave for $50.00. We went over to Dave's to buy it. He lived in a weird flop house. He had a neighbor named Eddie Walsh who was a retarded can man who drove a bike. He had a weird mother from the south and a little redneck half sister and another major character to the story - his stepfather - Gentry H. Golden.

I had never heard the name Gentry before so I couldn't remember it. He was very nice and said you could call him anything - just not a yankee. He was goofy in that he was not in the navy but wore a navy uniform and had a Memphis guitar. He played the song Money for us and Dave's mom made him play it "behind the head with echo" it was funny.

There were southern flags for window coverings and IIRC a head of a dear on the wall - strange.

Gerry had decided he wanted to deal on the amp so he offered Gentry $40.00 - he took $45 but Gerry only had $40 on him so we took it with the understanding we would pay Dave $5.00 later.

Now, during this time the house next door to me had been sold. This house was on the right of mine and Gerry lived directly behind it. The guy who bought it - Mr. Baseball Hat - was a jerk. He built an askew porch and wore a tank top all the time with a hat. We hated him for buying that house.

Gerry had a sister who was slow, so his parents used to give us money for pizza and to rent a movie (VHS - this is the 90s) when they went out. It was a good deal for us - I was in 8th grade going into 9th at this point.

We decided to call every pizza place in the city and order a large peperoni to Mr. Hat's house to see what place was the fastest. We had ordered a lot of pizza to a lot of people before this but learned that a common order - like one peperoni was probably going to get delivered without a call back sooner then 50 anchovy pies were.

Domino's did show up first. He went and knocked on the door and left. Next the amazing thing happened. Mr Hat showed up and locked his keys in his truck. The funniest part is he was carrying takeout.

About 2 minutes later a pizza guy shows up and talks to him. As he's leaving about 3 guys show up then about 5 more. It was amazing.

After laughing about that we started messing with the amp. I had left my guitar at home. We put it in the window and started talking. After that we turned the distortion on and it was awesome.

We decided to call Dave and talk through the amp. Then we would tell him it was us to see how it sounded over the phone.

I called up and asked for Dave and Gentry told me he was not home. I thanked him and hung up.

I wanted to call back and prank Gentry but Gerry didn't. So we watched this movie. We discussed the pros and cons of doing this and made some other prank calls from "the list" - I'll get to that later. Finally we decided we would do it - but only one time and they would not get put on "the list".

We called Gentry via speaker phone - which Gerry's parents had and was the best for making pranks - and started talking through the amp.

Gentry said (in a calm but pissed voice) - "I know that's you David". We kept going, calling him gay and saying we were the devil. He said, "When you get home you're gonna regret this".

We kept calling back and laughing. It was awesome.

The next day we called Dave to come over and jam, but he was grounded.

We started calling them every night with the amp. Sometimes Dave would get on the phone and yell, sometimes Gentry would, sometimes the mother would.

Being that we were expert prank callers we always kept a pen and paper and would write down any names or places they said.

I remember one time someone said something about a lady named Gail. Then I called discuising my voice like a New York flim flam man. When Christine (Dave's mother) said, "Where did you get this number?" I said, "from Gail" when she said, "what? Gail gave it to you?" I was like, "not, not Gail. I don't know Gail". A few days later we found out via Dave his mother had been arrested. We checked the police log in the paper and saw that Christine Golden was arrested for assault while a Gail (I don't remember her last name) was arrested on an outstanding warrant. We now had Gail's name and address and we started calling her!
It got to the point where all my money went to these calls. Soon we ran out of money and started calling collect. Collect was awesome back then. You could hear the conversation - so you would say your name at the tone (something like Satan or Gentry is a Homo) and you would hear the other end when the computer asked to accept the charges.

Gentry would sometimes accept to yell at us - which was awesome. Sometimes we would call up in the middle of the night and say (in a black guy voice), "This is the Michael Jackson fan club, do you want to join?" or (in a southern voice), "This is the Robert E. Lee fan club, do you want to join?".

It got to the point that they wouldn't answer the phone.

We thought and thought about that. I remember going to the library one night with Gerry for the purpose of figuring out a plan.

We figured out how to make a little contraption out of paper clips that could hang the handle of the phone about the hang up thing. So if they were not going to answer, the phone was going to ring and ring. There were a lot of out of the way phones nobody used (we knew about 30 phones we used all the time). We would go to the phone at the skating rink and hop the fence at night to make a call so that nobody would hang it up.

We then would walk over to another abandoned phone and call to see if it was busy. If it was we would laugh if not we would call again. If they didn't answer we would do it again.

Around this time we learned the trick that every kid in the 90s knew - how to make a free payphone call with a paperclip. Stick the clip in the middle of the phone, stick it in the hole in the phone dial, and pull it out. Worked about 80% of the time - which meant we stepped up our efforts 80%.

Now at this time you're wondering why Gentry didn't put a trace on the line - or change his number. The trace, I honestly have no idea. I know Dave complained to us - we were hanging out with him all the time -it cost $25.00 to change a number and they couldn't afford it.

At this point Gerry and I would leave for school earlier and earlier - like 6am to be there for 8 - and we would stop at 5 or 6 phones on the way to school then use the payphones in school all day then on the way home and later at night. We must have been calling dave 20 - 30 times a day.

We would have long conversations with these people. I remember calling one time and saying hello and some lady said "Christine, it's the breather!!!!" - which was odd because we never breathed heavy or anything.

In a way it was their fault because they would talk to us. Had they hung up we wouldn't have kept calling because that's not funny.

At this point some people had been beaten up by the family. Eddie Walsh, Gail, the funkster dancers and about 5 or 6 other people - that we knew about. Why we were never suspected I have no idea.

Once Dave told us, "Ya'll was born Yankee but ya'll are rebal at heart". This I guess is the best compliment a southerner can give you.

Around this time we decided that these people seriously deserved to be ****ed with much more then we could.

We started thinking. They had two cars with the same plates on both - at this time my State had only had a front plate then they changed it to 2 so many tried this. We waited down their street and when we saw Gentry leave called the cops then walked down to the store where he was to see the cruiser pull up and see Gentry go nuts - he was very unstable and I'm sure the 30 calls a day were not helping - and he got arrested.

Before the tow truck came we slid an envelope saying, "Enjoy jail love the breather". We went to the store and got every magazine ticket out of every mag and subscribed him 'bill me later' to all. While at Dave's house I went to the bathroom and got a bill collection letter that had been thrown away in the trash - it had a SS # on it so we became bill collectors. We also used the SS# to have their power turned off.

Had we had the internet I have no doubt we would have done much worse.

We also called every ad on TV that offered COD (many of the slap chop type ads used to be available COD) and sent them everything. It went on and on.

The day Gentry went nuts.

One day I was up at the crack of dawn getting ready for school. The radio came on and it was some sothern song. I jammed a tape in my cassette deck and recorded part of it.

I didn't know it then, but the song was 'Battle of New Orleans'. Using a walkman we played that song to Gentry over the phone over and over.

We said, "Gentry, Ya'll were born a rebal but ya'll is yankee at heart". Now the reverse of this coming from a rebal is a huge compliment, but I guess the converse is a huge insult.

He started yelling incoherently and just freaked out completly. I remember we were both scared when the call was over - we were through the looking glass.

It was around this time when we started to suspect that they knew it was us. Dave stopped wanting to hang out with us - but he was a nice guy so he didn't really hate us or anything. It just got weird.

I remember once Gerry called him to invite him over and he said hold on. We decided to put speaker on and about 45 mins later when Dave picked up we were still there. Dave thought that was hysterical and we started hanging out again.

We knew we had two choices -

1- stop calling - which would pretty much mean they would know if was us
2- concoct an airtight alibi

We chose number 2

Enter Justin

One reason we were so good at making calls is that we spent most of our time together but also we both knew how to keep our mouths shut. Neither one of us EVER told anyone about what was going on - ever. We also made a pact that if one of us got caught both of us went down. When something this funny is going on it's hard not to tell anyone but it's also fun to know a secret.

We knew a kid named Justin who we liked. He had some probs but he was one of those kinds obsessed with the military. He knew Dave because he and Dave and I had a class together.

One Friday night Gerry and I stopped by Justin's house and asked him to go out. His mom was so thrilled that she even gave him some money for us all to go to McDonalds.

We asked Justin if he wanted to make some prank calls and he was down. We had him call some people we knew he didn't know (from "the list") and he did ok. We then swore him to secrecy and told him to call Dave.

I dialed the number (and we never let him have it) and he tried talking in a southern accent. You could totally tell it was him but that was the point. We gave him the walkman and he made a fatal mistake. Gentry said, "I'll play my stereo Gerry....while I ring your ****ing neck!" Justin got scared and hung up - we were screwed.

What Justin should have done was said he WAS Gerry and he would kick Gentry's ass. The hangup was an indication of guilt.

We decided that do or die was the only way to end this. We were determined to clear our names. Things were getting scary.

Once I was walking home alone (I think Gerry was sick) and I heard, "Freeeze!" I turn around and it's Dave. I was very nervous (esp because I had about $10.00 in dimes on me and had just gotten off the phone). I was like, "how you doing Dave?" and he said, "not too good. I'm having a problem with a prank caller". I told him that sucks and he should trace it but he said it cost too much (which I believe it was free) and he knew who it was - Gerry or (a name that was a variation of mine). I told him it wasn't Gerry but I didn't know the other person - he said it was one of his ex's and the Gerry he meant was not my friend.

We parted ways. I was spooked.

We came up with a plan.

Gerry and I pre-recorded a phone call. Justin was to be at his house with a walkman. When we got to Dave's Gerry was going to ask to use the phone to call his mother. He was going to call Justin who was to haul ass across the street, wait 5 mins and call Dave.

At the last minute we changed the plan and decided to have Justin call at a certain time - in case they wouldn't let us use the phone - plus it would be less suspicious.

Walking into Dave's house that day was scary. The place was a dump that looked like an old cheap hotel. We went in and Gentry didn't even look at us. Dave told us to sit down.

I figured we were going to be murdered.

All of a sudden a cop comes in and we look at each other half scared and half relived because they can't kill us with a cop there.

The cop and Gentry and Dave go outside for a bit. They come back in and Gentry goes into the bathroom. Dave tells us that their house has been broken into and all the Christmas presents were stolen. He is all upset but says he can't play guitar today and asks us to leave.

Just as we're leaving the phone rings! Dave picks up the phone and starts screaming. Yells for Gentry (who comes out of the shower naked like a crazy man) and we witness first hand what we were doing.

After the call we stand around and talk about it to Dave. He tells us he was sure it was us and apologizes for being not so cool to us lately and asks us to forgive him - sure Dave, no prob. You should have told us you thought it was us....

As we're leaving Gentry calls out to us. Forget about the $5.00 we owe Dave for the amp. Good friends are worth more.


About a block away we start calling again. Gentry asks us if we were the ones that stole the presents and we say of course we are. I say I gave my girlfriend the necklace he bought for Christine and tap a chain of paper clips against the phone (we had heard the whole list of gifts from them).

Everything is back to normal.

This continued for about 6 or 7 more months. It got better and better. Gerry got his license and we actually took a road trip calling from about 4 states!

We even messed with Dave at school. We liquid thread locked his locker so it had to be cut and he had to buy a new lock.
The End.

One day we called and heard a recording saying the number was changed. We were shocked. Information said it was unpublished. We tried everything to get it (including going into their house and looking at the phone to see if it was written there, calling everyone that knew them, etc.... We even tried stealing Dave's contact info from the card catalog at school, but it had the old number.

At the end of that year Dave moved away. When the internet came back we tried to track them down but were never able to. These were some of the most fun year and a half of my life.

Gerry - you're looking down laughing about this and I miss you my brother. Mark my words - if I ever track them down I'll give them a call for you!

We had tons of other people like this going on at the same time but Dave Mullins was by far the most entertaining.

Thanks for reading
*ring ring*

Wh...who's there?


I read it though
Might wanna blog it though brah, mods won't be happy.
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You sick bastard.

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suck less

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way too ****ing long, didn't read.

I used to love prank calls too. When I was 11.
❝Don't be afraid of death, but of an inadequate life❞
Bertolt Bretcht

Dude, what the fuck? Don't you know that past a certain wordcount, any sufficiently large online story is supposed to end with a Bel Air?
Way too effin long. Did plenty of prank calls before too. Fun to prank but sucks to be pranked
"Wrath is not a sin"
I play PS3 , Psn: g-tibbert . Add me up!
I didn't know it was against the rules to write something long. I just was thinking about my friend who passed away and started typing.

Thanks to the people that read it though!
I read it, and you're a terrible person. I feel no remorse for your dead, asshole friend.
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I don't know who they were. When the Jerky Boys came out we were like big deal, it's been done.

I never got around to explaining it in the story, but we had "the list" which was a piece of paper with numbers and info on it.

We went to this girl's house we knew. She had moved from one town over. We took her address book and wrote down a bunch of names and numbers.

We would call them and note who knew who. Once we heard they were having a dance over in that town from one of the parents so we went to the dance to check it out.

Another time (when the girl broke up with my friend) we called her ex bf's father as her father and said that his son had gotten her preg and invited them to dinner to discuss the situation.

Good times!
I just read that and I guess I missed the point entirely. Apparently you were just dealing with a bunch of ****ing morons.
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*ring ring*

Wh...who's there?


I read it though
Might wanna blog it though brah, mods won't be happy.

You read it all in two minutes?
I read it. You seem like a douchebag.

EDIT: You and your dead friend are douchebags. Why did you do it?

Roger Waters - 12th May!
Last edited by LezPaulEpiphone at Jun 12, 2010,
Wow so you ruined the lives and relationships of not just a single person, not just a single family, but many others too (as you say at the end) and those were the best days of your life? You made their lives a living hell!
I have nothing to say about you that doesn't include expletives. Dick.
*open thread*
*stare blankly*
*leave with nothing*

(sorry about your friend though)
now extra flamey
Prank calls...
+10,000,000,000,000 for nostalgia.
how did your friend pass? great story its definitely an interesting read.
Me and Tom Brokaw are like "This"
Thanks for the feedback.

It's a story about something that happened. I appreciate everyone's comments - I agree with a lot of them too.
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Why are you proud of this?

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I read it. You seem like a douchebag.

EDIT: You and your dead friend are douchebags. Why did you do it?

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I read it all, you're a cunt

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Wow so you ruined the lives and relationships of not just a single person, not just a single family, but many others too (as you say at the end) and those were the best days of your life? You made their lives a living hell!
I have nothing to say about you that doesn't include expletives. Dick.

I must concur with all of the above.
TS if you look back upon this with fondness instead of shame you're still a fucking prick.
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I can fap to this. Keep going.
But TS, consider this...


PS, TS, that was kinda douchebag stuff to do. I mean, they should have just hung up, but still.
Last edited by tubatom868686 at Jun 12, 2010,
you said you needed to **** with them more? why? what did they even do wrong?
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That blog made you guys sound like completely, and total arseholes, I hope bad things happen to you, like Car accidents and agressive STIs.
Read the whole thing, really good read... you guys were nobs, but I think you knew that, which made it even funnier!!
"You're a twat!"- That dude in morrisons

"You Ugly git!" - That girl in the restaurant

"You Were a Mistake!" - Mum

just a few of my fans..

Well TS, I read the whole thing, and I've come to this conclusion:

You are phone.

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I still like cho0onger more than the 2 of you

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joke's on you, i actually fuck my cat
That's a pretty dick move man. He was your friend and like saved your life and you repay him by tormenting him and his family and getting half of them arrested? You're a cool guy.

EDIT:Like, honestly I did some prank calls, they were funny, and they were left at that. I was thinking the story was gonna end with your friend getting shot by Gentry really. I know if I was Dave I`d probably have beat the shit out of you. Maybe I wouldn`t have but they seemed like really nice people and you kinda ruined a lot of shit for them.
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Last edited by IronNecrosis at Jun 12, 2010,
haha good read. i was really able to picture the characters vividly. and to the people saying your a dick, **** them you were a kid and you could have done alot worse. sorry about gerry he seemed like a cool guy. let the good times keep rolling man. cheers
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I mean this one time I was jacking it pertty hard and was making noises and what not

You, my friend, are a genius!
I thought it was a pretty cool read! Sorry about your friend and I hope someday you find the Dave Mullins you're looking for.
You typed all of that right now? Wow...
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**** I was actually hoping to read into "and my mom got scared she said you're moving with your antie and uncle in belair"
Oh, and I would repackage that into a fiction sort of thing if you plan on making it into a book. Just an opinion.

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I still like cho0onger more than the 2 of you

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joke's on you, i actually fuck my cat
it was interesting to read. but i think it's unfair that you targeted dave's family. sounds like a typical, run of the mill, working class family. those kind of people don't need a hard time.

still an interesting read and some pretty creative stuff.

you never explained the list though.
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You read it all in two minutes?

More like, skimmed.


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You sick bastard.

Watch that video below

If this video reaches 1000 views before Christmas, I'll play with my titties on cam.

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