This is another prose piece I wrote in one of my darker times. Enjoy!

The Rift

There is a rift between
What my life is
And what it should be.
What I see myself as
Is so far from where
I want to be.
The span between
Who I am
And who I want to be
Grows considerably larger
With every moment that passes.
I look at choices I have made
That now cannot be undone.
I see things that I have allowed
To get the better of me
That shouldn't have.
I watch the rift grow
Wondering how I will be able to
Bridge the gap.
I imagine what it will take
To bring me back within reach
Of the life I want to live.
What is it about me
That will not allow me
To just let go of the
Things in my past?
Why can I not see past them?
So many people have
Had it so much worse than me
In their lives,
Yet they persist.
They move on and grow,
While I sit in my pool
Of self-deprecation and misery,
Rotting. Decaying. Festering.
I am an open sore
On this world.
I stew in a broth
Of my own making.
I allow myself to be held back
By petty shit.
I cannot move past
Trivial moments of negative
Amongst myriads of positive.
Instead, I push myself farther away
From the dreams I have in my life.
The rift increases and takes on new substance
With everything I say and do.
I know that it is my fault,
Yet I can't figure out
Why I do it to myself.
Sometimes I move close to the edge
And peer over the side
Into the expansive nothingness.
Sometimes I wonder
What it would be like
To just dive right in.
Head first into oblivion.
To lose myself in the beautiful darkness.
What would it do to me?
What would it do to those around me?
Those who care for me.
The ones who claim they love me.
"Love is just a word.
What matters is
The connection that word implies."
I feel disconnected.
There is a rift
Between the people who love me
And myself.
That rift grows parallel to
The one inside myself.
They are proportional.
As the hole inside myself grows larger,
So does the one between me
And those who love me.
As I move farther from where I want to be,
I move farther from those I want to be with.
They try to pull me closer,
But I pull away.
Even though all I want
Is to be held.
To be felt.
To be known.
I push it away.
Because I believe myself unworthy.
I know it to be true
Within myself,
But everyone else refuses to see.
They see a good guy.
They see intellect. Humor. Kindness.
They do not see the darkness
That I carry deep within.
They do not see the malevolence
In my mind.
They cannot see behind these blue-green eyes.
If they could,
They would run in terror.
They would create a new rift
To take them farther away from me.
They would not pull themselves closer.
I am looking for someone
To help me bridge the gap.
Another entity to keep me on track.
To pick me up
When I start to fall.
To hold on to me
When I scare myself to death.
To comfort me
When I grow restless and weary.
Someone to keep me in line.
Help me stay the course.
Guide me, lead me, teach me.
Show me the path
That I alone can walk.
Help me build that bridge
To cross
The rift.
Deep shit, man. By like halfway through I was totally engrossed lol. Could use some structure, but otherwise pretty awesome.
"Love everything. Know nothing."

"What do you mean 'do you even know how to play bongo drums?'?! Do I not have hands?! And pot?!"
Thanks for the input. Yeah, I have a few like this that were just kind of free form. It just flows sometimes when it builds up inside and I get passages like that. I'll post some of my more structured material as well.