I hope this one is a satisfactory composition. In my head, the melody sounds kind of like something you would hear in a Bon Jovi song. I don't have a recording to post, so I'll just leave it to all your imaginations as to what it might sound like All commends crits are welcome. C4c!

I remember days when I was growing up
I didn’t have a friend, I didn’t have a life
My dad didn’t like me, mom was always drunk
But I always hoped I’d see some better days

I had another paragraph written here, but I didn't care for it. Any suggestions on what I could cover here? Or should I leave this first verse short?

Better days
They were always on my mind
And were always in my dreams
But I knew I’d never see them
Not while I live my life alone

I remember the time when I lived on my own
Looking for a girl so I wouldn’t be alone
But no one wanted me, ‘cause I was a dope
It didn’t appear I’d find some better days

Better days
They were always on my mind
And were always in my dreams
But I knew there was no such thing
Because life isn’t that kind
You should include the removed section so we can see what we think about it.

It seemed too cliche and dull to me. I imagined it as a more Sublime or RHCP song, but whatever. I think it could fit in with some nice soft music, but I don't see too much meaning in the lyrics. It's more of just a blatant blog in poetic form to me, and holds no deeper meaning/feeling. Nothing too new that hasn't been done/said before.

Just my opinion, but don't take that harshly. Just trying to help


and this old one if you want

oh and my first ever haha

if you only wanna do one that's perfectly fine with me.....I'd prefer you at least crit the first one I listed (my newest)
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Try typing "potatoes" with your dick then submit it.

My cover of Manchester Orchestra's "I Can Feel Your Pain"
Last edited by gatechballer at Jun 12, 2010,