#1
I hope this one is a satisfactory composition. In my head, the melody sounds kind of like something you would hear in a Bon Jovi song. I don't have a recording to post, so I'll just leave it to all your imaginations as to what it might sound like All commends crits are welcome. C4c!

I remember days when I was growing up
I didn’t have a friend, I didn’t have a life
My dad didn’t like me, mom was always drunk
But I always hoped I’d see some better days

I had another paragraph written here, but I didn't care for it. Any suggestions on what I could cover here? Or should I leave this first verse short?

Better days
They were always on my mind
And were always in my dreams
But I knew I’d never see them
Not while I live my life alone

I remember the time when I lived on my own
Looking for a girl so I wouldn’t be alone
But no one wanted me, ‘cause I was a dope
It didn’t appear I’d find some better days

Better days
They were always on my mind
And were always in my dreams
But I knew there was no such thing
Because life isn’t that kind
#2
You should include the removed section so we can see what we think about it.

It seemed too cliche and dull to me. I imagined it as a more Sublime or RHCP song, but whatever. I think it could fit in with some nice soft music, but I don't see too much meaning in the lyrics. It's more of just a blatant blog in poetic form to me, and holds no deeper meaning/feeling. Nothing too new that hasn't been done/said before.

Just my opinion, but don't take that harshly. Just trying to help

EDIT: C4C
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1323005


and this old one if you want
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1255959

oh and my first ever haha
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1163699

if you only wanna do one that's perfectly fine with me.....I'd prefer you at least crit the first one I listed (my newest)
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My cover of Manchester Orchestra's "I Can Feel Your Pain"
http://www.mediafire.com/?jfvt54j4mkiiq99
Last edited by gatechballer at Jun 12, 2010,