#1
Crawl away
Run for cover,
Lost inside
You will suffer,

Death and sorrow
No tomorrow,
Pain and passion
Feels so hollow,

Open wide
Despise of your own kind,
Suck it in
Search and you may find,

Open wide
Despise of your own kind,
Suck it in
Search and you may find,

The treasure in this
Tomb of lies,

The treasure in this
Tomb of lies,

Running through shadows
And fading light,
You do your best
to put up a fight,

There's no turnin' 'round
And no looking back,
The beast is upon you
it's time to attack,

Open wide
Despise of your own kind,
Suck it in
Search and you may find,

Open wide
Despise of your own kind,
Suck it in
Search and you may find,

The treasure in this
Tomb of lies,

The treasure in this
Tomb of lies,

*Instrumental Fade-Out*

All comments and constructive criticism appreciated...

Cheers,
TheAscendant
Last edited by TheAscendant at Jun 12, 2010,
#3
i like em. you have music for them as well? id like to hear this recorded
#4
I like the meaning, but I'm just not a fan of A/B rhyme schemes.
Do you feel warm within your cage?

And have you figured out yet -


Life goes by?
Quote by Hydra150
There's a dick on Earth, too
It's you
#5
our band has written some guitar riffs for the lyrics and I have played the song in instrumental form in front of my music class, its a heavy song, thrash metal influenced, early metallica style, still a draft version, needs a bit of work, im a perfectionist, i won't stop until it is perfect...

Cheers,
TheAscendant
#6
I liked it, sounds like a good 80's kreator / destruction inspired piece, though it had better have some solid tunes behind it or i shant be too impressed, ( honesty ftw )


Honestly man, i'll try to help you here, have a listen to this tune

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqf-Hm6pZ_4&feature=related

That is one sickly tight thrash metal band, and if you could incorporate a bit of their style into the music for this song, then you could very well end up with some '' sick shit ''


Enjoy man, if you need, feel free to PM me for anything and i'll try to help
#7
I can really tell the early Metallica influence and that's JUST by the lyrics. I really can't give you constructive criticism, but in my personal opinion, the chorus(?) 'Open wide
Despise of your own kind, Suck it in. Search and you may find, The treasure in this
Tomb of lies' doesn't quite meld with what I'm thinking, but the music I have to go along the song likely isn't what you have, so just ignore what I say.

You write good lyrics.
#8
I like the structure of this piece. It seems to flow very smoothly and conveys the theme emphatically. I would like to hear a recorded version as well if you're able to bring one together.