#1
this is not really a poem.
or a song.
or anything.
I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant with someone else's child.
And I just, I've lost it.
this is just my mind.
or at least what's left of it.


the worst part is, I used every word I ever could to try and show you what you meant to me.
and now when I use them again, it won’t be the same, because you were the first person I’d ever said those things to, the first. and I wasted it all.
You said the same things to me, the only difference is I meant every word I said.

the worst part is, that night by the fire two weeks ago when I saw the moon light up the side of your face which was more beautiful to me than the moon and sky itself, and you said you loved me and kissed my cheek, I was the happiest I’ve ever been.
the worst part is, days before saying that, he was inside you.
inside you while I was probably in my room, wishing I could just see you.
and I had no idea.
the worst part is you’ll never know what this feels like.
the worst part is, this is the first time in years an actual tear as made it all the way down my face.
the worst part is, I sit here thinking, what did I do wrong.

Was I not ****ing good enough for you?

all I wanted was to ****ing make you happy, that’s all I ****ing wanted, all I wanted from you was the smile on your god damn face.

I would of never done anything to hurt you.
I couldn’t.


I gave you a love I’ve never ****ing felt, I gave you all I could.
And you gave me the worst feeling in my gut, the worst feeling in my eyes I’ve ever felt as they try to choke back every god damn tear.

You did what no one else ever ****ing could.
You made me the happiest I ever was, and now you’ve made me this.
this is all you’ve made me.

maybe the worst part of all though.
is that I still love you.

I keep wishing I’ll wake up.
But I won’t.

I would of died by your hands.

we never fought.
I was never angry with you.
I never doubted if I loved you or not.
You made me so happy.
so ****ing happy.
and you did this.
people say, a good way to help cope with these things.
are to focus on what you didn’t like about the person.

but I can’t do that.
Because there was never anything I didn’t love about you.
I loved you, for all your flaws, for every little thing you did.
All I had for you was that love.
And I have no memories to look back on, and say, God I hate it when she did that.
I only have memories of, I was so happy when she did that.
And when I think of you now, I can’t think of what you did. Only of how happy you made me, and how now it’s gone, and I feel like I did wrong by you to somehow make you do that to me.
I hope to God no one ever puts you through what you’ve done to me.
Cause not even the sickest of people deserve it.


I loved you.
#3


try and let the feelings die. after a long long time, maybe you will still be able to cherish the memory.
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

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#4
im really sorry for what happened. I find that the best thing to do in a situation like this is just to drive for hours with no destination in mind, and see the world fly by
#5
thanks guys.
I feel a bit stupid for posting something this personal on UG, no one needs another complainer.

I just needed to get it out, I apologize.
#6
Quote by Coheed777
thanks guys.
I feel a bit stupid for posting something this personal on UG, no one needs another complainer.

I just needed to get it out, I apologize.


hey don't worry about it. I know how you feel, i think. Usually when i'm in a really down mood and don;t know what to do i just need someone to hear what i'm feeling.

EDIT: Oh, and I agree with metal4life34, thinking about everything driving by yourself miles from home is the best thing to do for me at least when im feeling down.
Last edited by andrewjp123 at Jun 13, 2010,
#7
This is a good catch on your thoughts. Poetry is merely the wrangling of wild emotions/ideas into something everyone else can understand and relate. There are thousands of stories about writers jotting down senselessness in journals that turn into great poems.
Quote by Skibolky
No one can really fuck with the power of empathy.
#8
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
This is a good catch on your thoughts. Poetry is merely the wrangling of wild emotions/ideas into something everyone else can understand and relate. There are thousands of stories about writers jotting down senselessness in journals that turn into great poems.


Maybe I'll be able to come back and read this one day and not lose it.
Maybe I could turn it into something.