#1
Hey

I actually timed myself, and this took 5 minutes and it probably shows Can anyone work out the meaning ? One of my only ones that make sense

Are You Comfortable ?

Are you comfortable ?
Take a seat. Just over there.
With the righteous.

May I see your ticket please ?
First Class. You must have donated
alot to your local parish.
Are your children baptised ?
Good. Wouldn't want
them to go to

Purgatory. Cleansing of the sin's
they didnt commit. Lost souls, they
are labeled. What are these severe
sins they commited ? Not
Being baptised in the right
religion. The only right
religion. And what of

Hell ? The despised.
The wicked. The people who
the church hold a divine vendeta
against. And for what ?

The worst person in the world
could be a victim of the stigmata,
and he could go to heaven. Be held
in the highest esteem. Yet

a man who gave all he had, but
of a different religion is the
devil incarnate.

Are you comfortable ?
I'm not.
Last edited by ultrasonic at Jun 15, 2010,
#2
I'm comfortably numb.
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

"And give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer, and he doesn't become whoever, you know. He doesn't become us."

Holy crap, check this out!
#4
Are you comfortable ?
Take a seat. Just over there.


from the first verse i think this may be about Chris Hansen
#5
Whos he ?

:| I love how the only 'Crits' I have are people pretty much implying that I've stolen this. The song is in no way connected to 'Comfortably Numb' and are about completely different issues. 'CN' is about roger waters being ill while on tour. Mine is about how religious people are elevated to a high status, and how they only allow the rightious into their closed off little fold.

And who the hell is that guy ? I havent even heard of him, and It's being compared to him.
#6
Quote by ultrasonic
Whos he ?

:| I love how the only 'Crits' I have are people pretty much implying that I've stolen this. The song is in no way connected to 'Comfortably Numb' and are about completely different issues. 'CN' is about roger waters being ill while on tour. Mine is about how religious people are elevated to a high status, and how they only allow the rightious into their closed off little fold.

And who the hell is that guy ? I havent even heard of him, and It's being compared to him.



i kid i kid, i thought it was good myself. to seriously answer your question i thought it was about not being satisfied with your own place in the world and wanting something more.

and chris hansen? to catch a predator?
#7
You guys shouldn't post if you aren't going to be helpful and crit the piece properly.
#8
I think that it's about the injustice in the catholic church, and how the pope lets the priests get away with child molesting and all that jazz.

At least that's what comes to mind when I read it. I quite like it, as it's masked quite well.
#9
As far as the meaning, I get what you're saying about how religious zealots believe that they are higher than those who only show a passing, if that, interest in the church. It's muddled a little bit by your seeming lack of understanding of Purgatory, however. The way that stanza reads it seems that the narrator believes that Purgatory is reserved for the worst of the worst. Admittedly I don't know much about Catholicism, as I tried to forget a lot of what I learned in my 6 years at Catholic school, but I do know for sure that Purgatory is not the worst of the worst. That, my friend, would be hell. Hell is the fire and brimstone, tortured soul haven that you seem to be calling Purgatory. In actuality, Purgatory is more of a waiting room than anything. It's the in-between. Granted, the Church looks down on those in Purgatory, but there's a collective sorrow felt for the souls trapped there as well, unlike those who have gone to Hell.

As far as the structure, I'd be interested in seeing this with less but longer lines and stanzas. I think three stanzas would be rather interesting, in fact. The first being up til you discuss Purgatory (which I highly recommend you change to Hell, although you would then have to change the part about 'your children' in some way, which I feel uncomfortable trying to tell you to do), and the Purgatory/Hell part could be the second stanza. The third could be everything from "the most evilest man..." through the end. Or, possibly, have a fourth stanza, being the last two lines you now have standing alone, which I think would be a powerful way to end.

Word usage: "most evilest" is jarring at best. I believe the correct term is 'most evil,' especially given that this is a fairly serious introspection about the Church, and using the word 'evilest' changes the tone to be somewhat childish/uneducated (no offense meant by that). Also, I do believe the word 'rightious' is spelled 'righteous.'

Finally, and most importantly, I would like to answer the question: no, I'm not comfortable. Not in the least.
Quote by fatgraymatt
I love metal but death metal's just a bit too much for me. The most I can get into is serious-illness metal.
Quote by birdman267
schmidty,
I care
Quote by GuyWhoDoesStuff
If I had an axe that could make well formed vaginas I would go out a lot less.
#10
I see it as extending beyond just religion, and talking about hypocrisy in general. Yeah, I guess if I took it more literally, it'd be about the church, but I like the first 4 lines best, before it gets more specific. Nice job!
Mike
#11
I don't have much to add on top of schmidty's comments, but the movement toward specificity makes the latter half come off as preachy.
#12
Thanks everyone Just to add, I know what Purgatory is, the place where people who wasn't baptised go to be 'cleansed' of the sin of not being in their faith. I've unfortunately had to be at a catholic school myself, and endure thre pointless task of mass. I probably used the wrong words. I got the bit right about 'Wouldn't want them going to purgatory' But I see what you mean about The despised etc. Thats more about hell. Maybe I'll make a new stanza with that in, Thanks for spotting that. And thanks for the spelling correction I knew it didn't look right.

EDIT: MADE ALL CORRECTIONS
Last edited by ultrasonic at Jun 15, 2010,
#13
I'm never a fan of lyrics written like that. If you glance at my songs, you'll see that they're all in a specific forma because that's how I'm comfortable with them. But the meaning behind your words is a very good one and makes me be able to look past how they're written.

Very nice job ^^
#14
No, I'm not comfortable.

The piece seems to be about the idiocy of all organized religion nowadays. How anybody who goes to church can do anything they want outside and still be righteous. How somebody who doesn't go to church or of a different religion can live their life in a peace loving, caring way and still get shit for it. There was actually one point in history where the church would let people buy their way into heaven. How stupid is that? I'm not a huge fan of the format, I'd like to hear how it would work in a song. However, the message came across very clear. Excellent message as well.

I'd really appreciate it if you could crit my piece:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1326253
#15
I really like the changes, especially the new stanza. It makes a heck of a lot more sense.
Quote by fatgraymatt
I love metal but death metal's just a bit too much for me. The most I can get into is serious-illness metal.
Quote by birdman267
schmidty,
I care
Quote by GuyWhoDoesStuff
If I had an axe that could make well formed vaginas I would go out a lot less.
#17
It is a very upbeat piece for the first four lines, then the mood darkens significantly. I Like it. The twist keeps the audience, well, me at least, hooked. The only real criticism I have about this piece is the almost staunch anti-religious stance it takes. It is a very confronting piece in this aspect. I'm not saying that the issue isn't a good one, I think it is, its a great piece of writing, but it just comes across very strong. Maybe that's a good thing, but for me it just becomes a bit preachy and a bit heavy. The irony and hypocrisy presented is interesting as well, gives some very decent food for thought, and sums up why I don't believe in a "higher Power" as such, allowing me to relate to this piece.

I liked it. Though it is a lot to take in and is kind of forced, it still promotes thought, which is never a bad thing.

I'm not comfortable by the way.

Would appreciate a few lines on my piece below, a heavily revised version of some earlier work I did.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1326151

Cheers.