#1
All screamed c4c

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

This art
Could change
Your outlook on life

The world is
An empty canvas (an empty canvas)
On which you
Lay your heart and soul

And pour your blood
To give the dying sunset (dying sunset)
The perfect tint*Of reality

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

This art
Could change
Your*
Outlook on life

And when it's all said and done
Atleast you'll know
You did it for you

Despite what they say
You'll know
*the world created
Is yours to hold

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

This art
Has changed
Your perspective
Of life

Despite what they say
You'll know
The world created
Is yours to hold*
#2
Quote by blubolt09

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

I love the paint and colour references Perhaps a better word than imagery could be used ? It doesnt seem to flow. Besides you cant colour with imagery.
Besides that its great, a brilliant start


This art
Could change
Your outlook on life

Same as before. Short bridge, does what it's meant to, and works well.

The world is
An empty canvas (an empty canvas)
On which you
Lay your heart and soul

I'm not a big fan of the echoed line. Possibly make it say something. If its going to echo something, make it different from the line its after. Echo the title perhaps ? Or a varient ? Or something else completely, but echoing the same line has become a cliché and its the only thing letting this down. Apart from that, all good

And pour your blood
To give the dying sunset (dying sunset)
The perfect tint*Of reality

Again, what I said about echoing Whats the * for ? If your unsure of the word, it sounds ok Another word could be shade

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

Critted above



Continued next page
#3
Quote by blubolt09

This art
Could change
Your*
Outlook on life

Did before Whats the * here for as well ? All seems fine

And when it's all said and done
Atleast you'll know
You did it for you

Nice bridge, follows the theme nicely, and again does what it's meant to, bridge to the verse

Despite what they say
You'll know
*the world created
Is yours to hold

I like this part, alot of meaning to it, I got out of it, that however much you may be scorned for what you've made, its still yours and you can still be proud of it. Well that's just me anyway

Colour the night sky
With brighter imagery
Hold the paint brush gently
And sweep it across the world

Done

This art
Has changed
Your perspective
Of life

Done

Despite what they say
You'll know
The world created
Is yours to hold*

Done


I really liked it. About 8-9/10 Just fix those damn echoes

Look at mine ? Mines called 'are you comfortable ?' Its on the first page
#6
everything sounds good in this man. love the idea you've got here. the echoed lines (as ultrasound said) do sound alil cliched and stuff. i would probably change that to even the title or somethin, unless your going for what i know certain bands do there. imagery also seems like you maybe could change it up, y not a synonym or somethin for it or a word that has to do more wit color (again, as ultrasound said) first crit is all but thats really all i picked up on. other than all that, it does really sound very well written. id say a 9-9.5/10
c4c? i know mines not the best. its in the signature. if ull look at it. thx.
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#7
Thank you both ^^ I should probably mention that those aren't echoed lines; when I wrote that, I meant for it to be one low growl scream and one high pitched scream at the same time. Maybe I shoulda mentioned that. Haha

but I'll Have a look-see at yours as well ^^
#8
Thanks for the crit mate

I like the echoed lines, it's something I try to use in my writing a fair bit, especially when it is a song that is planned to be performed, it just adds a bit of vocal depth.

The first stanza/chorus is good, very nice imagery, I liked it, and the whole song flows quite nicely, definitely no massive jumps in logic or thought, which is good.

I give it 8/10 as a whole, because I'm not a fan of screaming or growling, but 9/10 in terms of lyrical content.
#9
hey, sorry it took me so long to crit. this was good, im not into this kind of music at all but i didnt find this extremely repulsing so its good.
Quote by herby190
When I saw that, I thought of musical notes.... my elementary school teachers taught them as "tee-tees" "ta-tas" and a bunch of other nonsense....
#11
This song is great, very emotional and not 'overdone'. I know its only small but because its such a poetic song i think u should change the word 'world' to 'earth', it just sounds more.. i dont know sorta the soul of the world. i know that probably sounds strange ha
"Don't play the music. See the music. Feel the music. Be the music."♪ -- Me.


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