#1
i read a pretty poem
and though i liked it
i felt like i'd missed the point,
the message, the reason
for why it was written,
or whatever else you wanna call it.
i listened to some music and was told
that i've missed the boat,
but i took no notice because it's only
music and i don't like boats anyway.
i watched some shitty anime film
and apparently time waits for no one,
and by now i was getting tired of the
cryptic bullshit that meant nothing to me,
so **** it, i thought, and went outside
to watch the sunset,
but by that time it was already dark.
Last edited by michal23 at Jun 14, 2010,
#2
Its nice, but somewhat surreal, yet I feel the poems message. This isa difficult peice to crit, so im just gonna leave it at this; part of me feels like I've missed the point of this poem. I still like it. Make what you will of it.
#3
Haha, I like this. I'm going to have to agree in saying that this is probably not the easier piece to crit. So I'll just say this - I wasn't sure what I was going to be reading when I read the first couple of lines, but by the end, I'm pretty sure you achieved exactly what you were aiming to.
i look down at my hands,
like they were mirrors.
#4

what was the poem?
I'll write you out some Bradbury tomorrow.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#5
The ending was very good and the lines about missing the boat did make me smile I loved them. its just so blunt and simple when on the other hand you're talking about everything being cryptic and the ending fits really well