#1
First Song I've Written - Only 1 Verse And Chorus At The Min.

'Fatal Attraction'

She knows what she's done
My hearts bleeding on the ground
Remembering the times we had together
You stole them away without making a sound

I recall how this all started
That twinkle in your eye, Caught my attention
Too blinded by love to see your evil
Now I'm left broken
Thanks to your hurtful intention.

*Chorus*

Ripped out through my chest
Your lying words
Will they ever let me rest?

This Fatal attraction
Something I regret
Caused your satisfaction.


Like I Said First Song I've Written, Feedback And Help Is Appreciated
Last edited by JoelHxC92 at Jun 14, 2010,
#2
I really like it, apart from the line "How they've made me depressed". It seems too simple and (for lack of a better word at this time in the morning) emo. I'd offer suggestions but I'm far too tired for that right now. Bug me tomorow and I'll help if you want.

Other than that, the rest of the song, I can't find a flaw in it.
#3
Thanks for feedback, first thing I've ever written, so again, thanks

As for the little Emo bit, I was listening to a bit of Hawthorn Heights as I was writing lol..

But I'm gonna try and finish it and fix little bits I don't like
#8
Quote by blubolt09
For the first song you've written, this is pretty damn good!


Thank You .. I actually really enjoyed writing, so i think its something im gonna try progress with