Okay I just wrote these and I would like some crits/advice

You're at war with heaven and hell
Because one let you lie, but one made you tell
And that'll infest my sleep weekdays 'til sleep
At least that's the way it seems to me

I'm a burden on your cold shoulders
And my only goal was to make them warmer
I'm just so good, at least in my mind
but it's fail to none in real life, in real life

I want to live in my head
I want everything read
I want to know whats going on

I want to change time
I want to give you mine
I want to know whats going on

The first to groups are the verse then the "I wants" are repeated until the end. I would of recorded it and put it in the OR but I lost my microphone, I can do one one on my computer if you want though.