#1
NOTES: Inspired heavily by BTBAM (You can probably spot the allusions left, right and centre) I'll leave the interpretation up to you guys, you can read my intentions at the bottom of this post.


Ironically, we’re all alone in the same boat.
Suddenly, becoming one with the sea doesn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.
A foreigner in my homeland, a nomad in my own surroundings.
Where is everyone going to?
Let the waves carry on a never ending cycle.
Seeming to be a movement of life existing without.

The seasons offer no nurturing potential
Shall I decompose into the depths?
The stretch to reach land has become a tired attempt.
What its purpose is – I know not.

A tired landscape of unkept foliage
We stand headless at horizon’s end
The constant swell keeps me from bridging this distance
Or is it the distance that keeps this swell constant?
A routine struggle to carry through,
When will I know true peace?

The Polis is further away than I thought
Is this really all that’s given out?
It makes no difference.
We’re all alone in the same boat.



Being alone in the same boat: I think everyone's alone on the inside no matter who they are, playing on the cliche of "Being in the same boat" where empathy is expected. I wanted to reverse the meaning of the cliche.

Waves and cycles: Life and its relentless movement which locks its inhabitants into a spiral.

Movement of life existing without: The ocean appears to be alive with its movement but is really just motion without intention.

Seasons offer no nurturing potential: Allusion to Vivaldi's "The Seasons". Throughout life, we aren't given adequate opportunity to foster our true desires.

Rest seems self explanatory I reckon.
#2
This is a really excellent piece, with extremely clever and powerfully descriptive metaphors. Unfortunately, however, I found it hard to give a proper critique since everything had already been explained thoroughly. I understand why you did it, I really do, but I don't think it's fair on the reader since he / she can only take what you allow.

If it's of any meaning, I'd like to read your next poem / song WITHOUT your own analysis of it. If I want to hear what you think on something in particular, I shall ask.

Again, this was really good. I hope you stick around.
Last edited by AngryGoldfish at Jun 19, 2010,
#3
I like it man but do you need the "Ironically" in the first line? I think it would start better with just "We're all alone in the same boat." Then the last line would be completely the same as the first. Apart that I really like it and agree with AngryGoldfish about leaving the meaning of the song out so that people can just make their own.