#1
I saw death in that dying dreary day
As the skeletons marched home to play
With their devilish, their dirty sons
Who dressed and played like dirty Huns.

And eat food, from foolish wives, who think,
None too much; but of meat and drink
In which preparation they did it excel
As they made their simple scrumptious hell.

And listen to the nagging nag,
Of that old beaten, withered bag.
And listen to that wagging wag,
Of that damned dog that has replaced
You as master of the house.

Oh, the business it is going well
But what is that if life is hell
In that place you once did call a home
And once was a palace; all your own.


I'm 17. Bye the way.


Edit: I didn't realize we had a rule against attention seeking devices in titles.
Last edited by Acidshred at Jun 17, 2010,
#2
I like it man. The rhyming structure makes it have a good pace. I also like the vagueness in the meaning of it. I can tell it is about something but am not quite certain exactly what.
#3
This reads as though you wrote the first seven or so lines before you decided what the poem was about. Your grammar and punctuation could use some help. In order to get at the sense of what the poem's about, I had to sort of imagine what the poem would be like if the sentences made any sense at all.

17, huh? Congratulations.

peace