#1
I posted this once already but only one person looked at it... lol. So i figured i'd throw it up again...

Lines we've crossed....

(Verse1/Intro)
Pull the trigger like it means, nothing at all,
Stepping on their fingers just to watch them fall,
bleeding innocence dry so our concience won't feel,
everyday goes on the same yet it still feels surreal!
They've got me taking shots for a man i haven't met,
said i'd be saving lives, haven't saved one yet,
everything i've done, i'm gonna make it right,
i'm gonna hunt you down in the cover of night!!

(Chorus)
All we are is a killing machine, forced to do what you, tell us to...
i don't feel the pain of your, razor blades, all that i feel, is death and dismay...

(Verse2)
Look at you now, sprawled on the floor,
you're life is sprayed across my walls!
The colour of red is all that i see,
i thought that this could set us free,
INSTEAD, I'M JUST WHAT I WAS, BEFORE!
AN ASSET, USED TO START A WAR!
BLOODSHED AND HAVOC IS WHAT I'VE INSTILLED,
even they've lost count of those i've killed.....

(insert chorus)

(breakdown/bridge)
WE ARE JUST, A KILING MACHINE
MANKIND, NEED NOT, CONTINUE TO BE!!
WE HAVE BROUGHT NOTHING BUT DEATH AND DISMAY,
i'll be suprised if we make it through today.............
_________________________________
*look at what we've done* we've done... |
*imagine what we'll do* we'll do... |----- X2
^try to comprehend the pain of losing those closest to you^ |
_________________________________________________|

LOOK AT WHAT WE'VE DONE!
IMGAINE WHAT WE'LL DO!
EVERYTHING YOU CAR ABOUT IS EVERYTHING YOU'LL LOSE...

(insert scream chorus)

all that's left is death and.......................
#4
Good stuff man, I'm not much into hardcore which is what I assume this song is. Is this about the army or something? I have a few suggestions:

1. I think that if you cut out the word feel before surreal in the first verse it would flow better.
2. In the Breakdown/ Bridge I think you should change "MANKIND, NEED NOT, CONTINUE TO BE!!" to "MANKIND DOESN'T NEED TO BE"

Overall I like the lyrics though. Especially the part in verse 1 where you say "They've got me taking shots for a man i haven't met, said i'd be saving lives, haven't saved one yet."

Good Job
#5
First off, thanks for critting my lyrics man. I'm not a huge fan of hardcore either But I liked some of the lines in the song: "your life is sprayed across my walls" aswell as the part of verse 1 Seekmail posted above. One part I didn't like though was: "everything i've done, i'm gonna make it right, i'm gonna hunt you down in the cover of night!!" it just sounds really clichéd is what I mean. Otherwise, good job!
#7
i wrote this shortly after being hooked on Scary kids scaring kids... so when i wrote it i kinda was imagining it sounding allot like one of theirs... but yea, it's sposed to be like, post-hardcore, could even do it in metal-core if i wanted... thanks for the feedback guys... will try and take all crit on board and see if i can whip out an edited version as this is probs only my second edit kinda thing... anyhows... Thanks
#8
Wow that first verse was really powerful. Definitely could see this as post-hardcore. When I read the last line and the words faded out, I got chills for some reason. Well done!