#1
First off, before you start reading and judging my lyrics there are a few things I want to tell you.

I'm sixteen years old, this is the first full set of lyrics I have ever written in my entire life, I'm from Sweden so in English I only have experince from school, TV, the internet etc. So first off I want you to rate the lyrics on a scale from 1 to 10 based on the things I just so recently told you. After that I want you to rate them from 1 to 10 as you would do with anyone else, so that I can get a grasp of how far i have to go to become a decent lyrics writer. (They aren't written in the actuall structure btw)

So here it comes...

It's hard running a marathon, have you ever run a marathon Johanna?

VERSES 1-3

Do you remember those good old times
when we used to run in the fields
you where chasing butterflies
while I was stumbling through my lies

Had not found my heart yet
after I lost it on the way here
I have always recognized
all the things that you did for me

You will never know how much you meant to me
all I see is your vanity
And now I stand on my own two feet
My soul is no longer incomplete

CHORUS

Life is not all about misery
it's up to you if you want to be free
All this would sometimes seem
as it just was part of one big dream
I wasted years before I faced my fears
But I won't spend time on another tear
All that matters are those who to me are dear

CHEESY FINALE THINGY

This life won't get the best of me
#2
Its a good first effort at songwriting.

The first verse is good until it gets to the last line "while I was stumbling through my lies" which just doesn't work for me. The second verse is an improvement but I think the third verse reads really well and is definitely the strongest of the verses because it has a really nice flow to it.

The chorus is really good to. The chorus and the 3rd verse are definitely the strongest parts of the song but I think with a little bit of work the other two verses could be improved to make it a really good song.

I also really like the title.


Its a really good effort if English is your second language. Keep it up.
#3
Well thank you! About it being quite cheesy, I have on numerous occations tried to write songs but but they have just been terrible. You know that kind of terrible when the hair on your neck stands up and you start to shiver...

That was the level I was at. I would just write down a line and then just throw it away, but then I thought that I was never going to get anywhere so I decided to just be content with what I wrote and this is what I came up with. I'm not exactly entirely pleased with it but atleast I got my writing started, wich was the main reason for me doing it in the first place.
Last edited by Kungmauritz at Jun 19, 2010,