#1
Hey team. So I've got this here track I just put together in the last few days, but I came to a bit of a snag with recording the second verse and bridge for vocals (I'm away from all my gear so all I've got is an interface, my guitar, and a shure sm7b). But other than that everything is done. I suppose it could be best explained as...dance rock? It's intentionally slow at the beginning but it picks up. Let me know what's working and what isn't. Crit for Crit.

It's called "Those Words" and it's in mah profile.

edit: oh yes, and here are the lyrics in case you care.


who stays the same after the fallout, anyway?
I want to know all the places where his chips lay
And maybe then I’ll tread dark waters to be
The next in line, yeah, callous little old me
I know those words darlin’
I know your fears
I know your worth, I know your price for tears
I know your hate baby, I feel you’re near
So save your breath darlin’, I’ll say your prayers
Insensitive as it seems, I can’t put your troubled mind at ease
Let’s just bide our time, less consequence, you see
I fell in love with the chance to make your restless feet dance
I don’t have any answers I’ve just got this melody
Don’t say another word to him
Don’t fear for losing a friend
Don’t sell yourself short again
Don’t cry another tear for him
Don’t hate another beat for him
Come here, (right here) get near and then
Don’t breath another breath for him
Don’t pray, you’ll pray for hell again
Move
I fell in love with the chance to make your restless feet dance
Last edited by jables23092 at Jun 19, 2010,
#2
Critiquing while I listen:
Great intro, sorta moody atmospheric. I love the acoustic playing its sorta progressive. Woah, the next part totally caught me off guard. Damn man, great transition! Now this is one catchy mofo! I love the drums and the riff is great, original. Shit, you're right this is "dance rock" and I'm liking it even though I don't listen to this stuff. Man you have me hooked, when you're done with the whole song, please PM me. I'd love the to hear the end result. This song sorta made me think of "Take me out" mixed with some dance music. Very nice, oh and thanks for the critique on my song!
#3
You've got a good voice man. And I really liked the how the song like, transformed. The vocal melody is pretty catchy and the clean guitar playing in the intro is nice. The one thing that I'd criticise is the riff that comes in at 0:58, it felt really typical. It's a good riff still, but it makes it that little bit less outstanding compared to other music in the same genre(alternative?). But the drums work well to make the listener bop their head hah. Nice one though
#4
The acoustic guitar is nice and deep in the beginning and goes with the vocals which you had mentioned will be changed. The transition to electronic backing reminded me of early NIN and Rob Zombie. Overall interesting tune keep up the good work!

crit : https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1329003
"Life is just a ride... just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Last edited by Johnthevault at Jun 22, 2010,
#5
That's really good quality for everything I can hear. Vocals drums guitar bass, it all sounds nice and equal to me! I have to agree, that was a great transition from soft to heavy. The vocals sounds really nice in the intro, I really like it!
#7
First off, thanks for critting my tune, man. I really appreciate it.

I'm a huge fan of the intro to this. It's very airy and cool. And then BAM, you jump right into ass-kicking electric riffage. I loved the riffs in this, and I also really like how you made it sort of like a dance number.
Overall, I'm very impressed with this. It reminds me of something but I can't quite think of what it is. Sort of like Muse, but not quite. Anyway, it's pretty awesome.
#8
great mood through the whole time great singing too this could get somewhere
Iceman w/ emgs
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Epi LP plus top
Zoom gfx4
Death metal (sounds amazing through bass amp)
ibanez weeping demon
#9
Holy powerful voice! Awesome, liked how the song picked up. @55 wasnt expecting this at all - Great move =)~ Love the technoesque feel to it. @1:33 Awesome guitar, super fun! Love the feel of the song, very funky! Cant wait to hear the finished vocals - Dont take away from that run at 1:33 with vocals though - that was a fun run!

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1331822

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1332054
#10
Jables,
Vocals sound good when it starts. The intro guitar sounds good by itself, but somehow the vocals & the guitar don't sound like they're in tune with one another at times. Tone in your vocals is quite good. After the vocals stop, everything sounds quite good instrumentally. Let's hear it again after you add more vocals! Please review my music here:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1332089