#1
Pour a drink and pass it my way.
End my nightmares. Give back my sanity.
There are just too many pieces to put back together
Left in my hands. I drown in silent screams.

Lie to me. Tell me everything's alright.
Tell me it's fine. Tell me you're mine. I don't wanna know the truth anymore.
All I want is to be the smile on your face,
And I can't hold back these tears or erase my memories of you.

Take this bullet and scrape my skull.
All my hopes, my dreams are wrapped in flies.
I see your face, your eyes staring back from the mirror.
Babe, I miss you. And I need you in my life.

Lie to me
One more night
One more time
Lie to me


How many people just stopped caring what they're significant other did? They could do anything they wanted to you and you would just take it and take it because you didn't want them to leave. Because they were worth so much to you that it didn't matter what you were worth to them.
#2
Not bad, but not amazing. I can really relate to this tho.

First off, you should work on the first verse there. Just the whole thing in general.

The parts where it sais

"Lie to me. Tell me everything's alright.
Tell me it's fine. Tell me you're mine. I don't wanna know the truth anymore.
All I want is to be the smile on your face,
And I can't hold back these tears or erase my memories of you."


I liked that, it's gives me a very nice idea of your emotions, tho i think you should try and rewrite it. You should try to simplify it.

The next part, it sais

"Take this bullet and scrape my skull."
- That's nice (:

"All my hopes, my dreams are wrapped in flies."
- I didn't like that.. the
"all my hopes, my dreams.."
pretty nice..but the part where it sais
"..wrapped in flies"
? I think you should deffinitely change that.

"I see your face, your eyes staring back from the mirror.
Babe, I miss you. And I need you in my life."
- This is pretty nice as well.

So basically, I think you should continue on working on this. It's not a thumbs down in my opinion, but just a start of somethign that could turn out pretty nice. Please work on it, and post it again, when you have (:

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1320793
#3
Wrapped in flies is a metaphor for death. When something dies have you noticed it's covered in flies? Stating that hopes and dreams are dead
#4
idk i'd say it sounds more like..it's literally wrapped in flies..idk that's the feeling i have. either way, I'm not saying it's bad or anything, I'm jsut personally think that's what should change. But ofc, your decision.
#5
Quote by Sexy Librarian
Pour a drink and pass it my way.
End my nightmares. Give back my sanity.
There are just too many pieces to put back together Does this Line continue into the next? It makes it hard to read if it doesn't, and throes off the rhythm if it does.
Left in my hands. I drown in silent screams. I like this line, it has some nice imagery.

Lie to me. Tell me everything's alright.
Tell me it's fine. Tell me you're mine. I don't wanna know the truth anymore.
All I want is to be the smile on your face,
And I can't hold back these tears or erase my memories of you. My main problem with this stanza is that it just sums everything up. It leaves very little to the imagination, unlike some of the gruesome imagery in the next stanza.

Take this bullet and scrape my skull.
All my hopes, my dreams are wrapped in flies.
I see your face, your eyes staring back from the mirror. I'm not sure I understand this line. Did you break up with yourself? Is this part of a deeper story?
Babe, I miss you. And I need you in my life. These two lines are very cliched, I would consider revising them personally. However, as always, it's up to you (the author).

Lie to me
One more night
One more time
Lie to me This stanza definitely solidifies the meaning, without being as brutally straightforward as in the 2nd stanza. A fitting ending, I would say.



Personally I like the metaphor "wrapped in flies" myself, mainly because it's one of two lines in the piece that have significant imagery (the other of course being "take this bullet and scrape my scull"). Imagery is a very powerful thing, as it allows the writer to show the audience rather than tell. However, the piece is nicely written and is very clear as to the meaning. I suppose my only other complaint would be that there's not a consistent rhythm, but that can be used in a very powerful and productive way (so it's up to you really). That being said, I definitely enjoyed the piece. Now, if you could make the piece as powerful and interesting as in the third stanza, I think you'd definitely have a fantastic piece (not that it's not great now, I just think that you could amp it up to the next level is all).
#6
I'll see what I can do about making edits once I have the song posted on my profile. It already has music to it and everything flows together despite some of the lingering words. And yes in the first stanza the third line leads into the final line.
#7
^ Ah, I see. If it's already to music then disregard the latter section of my post. Plus, the straightforwardness(?) of the second stanza won't really be a problem with music behind it.
#8
I like the piece as a whole. It's not an entirely original theme (but what is, then?) but it's done in a way that's good for reading. I like the way in which you force the rhyme way and sanity in the first verse. The paragraph at the end said loads to me, and helped me really relate to the piece, as that's basically the story of my life. In a performance, I think that would either make a good introduction or a solid spoken word.

Cool piece, good work.
#9
Thanks very much. The paragraph at the end was supposed to be more of a description, but I can see it being used in the song. I would have never thought of that lol.
#11
If you google the phrase "lie to me song," you'll find there are at least three other songs with the same theme and title (you might have to go to the second page to find all three songs). That's one possible definition of the word "cliche'."

peace
#12
i like this a lot, the only parts i would change would be the last line of the first stanza, it could just be me but i feel like it throws the flow of the song off, maybe try to take out the "left in my hands" part, and i would definitely throw that last paragraph in, maybe as a spoken piece. overall ver good tho.