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#1
Basically I avoided talking to her for more than a year in some sort of stupid train of thought that she might be a bi*#$. All my other best friends girlfriends have been, and I'm a very very shy type of guy...

Well after some major doubt in the relationship she got a holed of my cell number and begun texting me to find out what was going on in the boy end of the problem they were having. I've been known to help a lot of people when it comes to relationships.. I'm basically the "Go to guy" so to say. But she didn't know that at the time, So we talked and talked for 2 weeks and ended up feeling like we knew each other for 2 years.

She flirts a lot but she's very innocent; She's only 17 and is very wholesome. We write letter to each other because its cute, I buy her stuff and all the jazz which my best friend doesn't. He's dumb and very selfish, but he's a simple guy. I'm the brains and cold hearted mofo out of the two. I've never really "Liked" anyone before. It's ironic that all these people come to me for advice when I have never even experienced ANY of the things they bring up...

I know it sounds a bit melodramatic but it feels like a massive hammer is squashing my heart slowly each time she says she loves him, or hugs him, or anything thats like that towards him. Its ripping me up inside, I'm losing sleep, lost all focus from my studies and getting severely depressed (my Bi polar type 2 isn't helping either).

He's my best friend for christ sakes and I've fallen for her. I know i'll get the "Dude.. Bro's before ho's" treatment. And even if they do eventually break up. It would be severly weird if we did get together around him. I might lose a friend in doing so...

I'm really just need to say this somewhere because I can't bottle it up any more, I don't know anyone in the real world that I can say this too. Most of won't even read this any ways, But if you have had an experiance like this or similar.. PLEASE! for the love of god show me to the light!

In short.. I like my besties girl, and its eating me up inside. I need help.

Thank you ahead of time for reading this if you did.
#2
Tbh, if you really love her, and if the guy is really your best friend you will see them happy together, and if you really care about them both then them being happy should be enough to make you happy, even it means she will never love you the way you love her. its how things are im afraid
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Quote by Radman_Paiza
I saw it with my dudefriend. But I'm totally not gay, because I have a girlfriend. She's imaginary, but atleast I have one.
#4
It happens man, and it sucks. As artificial and unsympathetic as this sounds, just move on. There's really no other way about it, unless you're willing to lose a friend in the process.

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#5
She's only 17, she probably doesn't have a clue right now what she wants out of life. Don't worry man, you might find given a little more time, you could end up getting what you want.
#7
If he's you're true best friend, than this topic is proof of your bastardry. Although, if he's just someone you know for a long time, and feel that the girl is perfect for you and being used by him then take her. Most women are disposable but there are always those real girls that make you're mind tremble. You decide.
#8
Quote by SeriousMan
If he's you're true best friend, than this topic is proof of your bastardry. Although, if he's just someone you know for a long time, and feel that the girl is perfect for you and being used by him then take her. Most women are disposable but there are always those real girls that make you're mind tremble. You decide.

Don't listen to this guy, that's just stupid.
#9
I'd say wait. This could lead to some bad things. Maybe when those two break up you'll get your chance, then your best friend won't be that angry because he isn't interested in her anymore.
#10
Hate to hear it man... Just don't talk to her, stay away from her and avoid contact. It sounds harsh but otherwise you're going to lose two of your friends. It's not worth the risk man.
#11
I've been in this exact same situation. I cut off contact with her one night after she tried to kiss me. Sure, it hurt for a bit but I had to make the choice between a girl I had known for two months or my best friend of 20 years. It was an obvious choice really. You just gotta decide if a potentially short lived crush is worth more than your friendship
#12
Sounds to me like I know you wish that you had Jessie's Girl!

You won't like my advice but I'll give it to you anyway..
It's not gonna end well.. you shouldn't of been friends with her because she was with your mate and even when they break up its still not cool for you to get together. But since you did, Find a new girl, a new distraction and stop hanging with her, stop talking to her and dont let her bitch to you about relationship problems..

From her point of view, you're the straight gay best friend. And she'll constantly treat you as such, even when they break up. She has all the bf stuff with bf and the emotional lovey stuff with you, she may be unaware but shes havin her cake and eating it too , you shouldnt let her do it.

So you don't have a shot man, sorry to tell you, been there before, done that before, lost my mate found out after that after they broke up she was out with other guys and then found out i was the straight "gay" best friend shed bitch about those guys with.

So i broke off contact, and havent thoughtof her since coz you're not in "love" as such but your obsessed so find a new outlet, i.e. a new girl to place your interest in
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Last edited by henza_x at Jun 20, 2010,
#13
Quote by SeriousMan
Most women are disposable.

Misogynistic much?
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#14
TS you need to get over her, I know its not that simply but dude move on you are only going to cause trouble between your best friend and his GF and you.
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#15
Quote by Badass UltraMan
I've been in this exact same situation. I cut off contact with her one night after she tried to kiss me. Sure, it hurt for a bit but I had to make the choice between a girl I had known for two months or my best friend of 20 years. It was an obvious choice really. You just gotta decide if a potentially short lived crush is worth more than your friendship

Actually, this is right. It sounds cliché, but my best friends have meant more for me in my life than all the girls I've ever been with combined.
#17
Years ago I was in a similar situation... although the guy wasn't my 'best' friend. Anyway It all turned a bit messy so I'd just forget it, you'll realise it was silly to think about it later one.
#18
Thanks everyone for actually reading this. I really really appreciate it. Seriously.

anorexorcist15: Yeah I know I should, and I was after I helped her with him, but then a week later we bonded like crazy (in the figurative sense, not literal haha) and now.... yeah..

Ninja Vampirate: Hahahah yeah man totally!

mario61: Yeah, I know I should. But I'm in too deep now. If I stop acting like this she'll know somethings up with me, She already has asked me subtlely if I don't like her hanging with him. She thought I hated her for hanging with him when I wanted to.. Quite the opposite...

Echohead: I don't even know if getting what I want is a good thing man..

boreamor: Naaawww Ty I will love to be indulged by a hug from someone who cares.

SeriousMan: I know bro.. I know. I hate myself for it.. Its not like I fantasize about having..Uhm.. "Relations" with her.. Its more like just being with her..

Erh Yeah I got sortta flooded with respones after these dudes. Sooooo, I know the main choices.

1. Give her up. Cut all contact.
2. Let it slide. Tone it all down and act disinterrested with her.
3. I'm the gay friend. I'm sorta getting the feeling that I am actually. I know this.
4. Let it happen when "They" are over... With the possibility that one of the will hate me for it. e.g. He hates me for going after his ex. She hates me because I'm the friend who is taking it to the next level..

Time to brainstorm..

THANK YOU EVERYONE!! I really appreciate this alot. I really do.
#19
Depends. If you want to keep your relationship with your mate, don't go after her. If you value a relationship with her, and are prepared to risk losing both her and your mate if she rejects you, then go for it.
#20
Just go on as you are. You'll eventually distance yourself emotionally, you'll stay very good friends. But those feeling will turn from "in love" to just love.

Works man, trust me.
I was in the exact same position with my best friends sister. Now we're really close.
#21
Ahh crap... She just said she's with him right now in a message.

Time to open that new bottle of vodka...
Last edited by Mr.-Bungle at Jun 20, 2010,
#22
Oh... That sucks man.. Been there before.

I just left them to their happiness. Who am I to decide who should get the girl?

Basically, don't interrupt their relationship. If they break up, wait a week or so, and then have a go at her.

I wish there was a reassuring-pat-on-the-back emoticon, but instead I'll give you this:
Last edited by jimmyled at Jun 20, 2010,
#24
Quote by Cianyx
Misogynistic much?


, absolutely not, it's just fact. The same applies to men, but to a smaller extent.
#25
I've been there too, my best friend's girlfriend.

I slept with her and never told him until they broke up and she did. Now you'd think that sounds like the most terrible thing ever, but it was all fine actually... He's clearly a much better friend than I am that he'd just forgive me like that.
But don't worry, I would do and have done the same when my dear lass cheated.


That's not really helpful advice though, so here's the real advice:

Things mostly seem so brilliant between you and her, over him and her, because you are just a thing on the side. You're the greener grass, so to speak. If you and your best friend's roles were reversed it would probably be the same situation. It's easy to think you are better suited and treat her better when you're not actually in a relationship with her.

Back in the day my girlfriend and me had a bit of a rocky patch (well a rocky relationship really) and she ended up with one of my best friends, probably because as with you they were close and he comforted her when she was annoyed at me. They seemed perfectly matched in a way (tbh I thought so at the time too), but you should have seen them after a month or two... He was the greener grass, but they were just as messy as me and her. 18 months of them being together and they still are.
Do you get what I'm saying?
#26
If you really love her, you should let her and your friend be happy together.
There's lots of other girls out there, so I think it's best if you try to find a girl you can be happy with.

Only if she breaks up with your friend can you make a move on her. Even then, it's not particularly nice toward your best friend.
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#27
Quote by SeriousMan
, absolutely not, it's just fact. The same applies to men, but to a smaller extent.

Disposable makes them sound like prostitutes
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#28
This was my case. There's no way to make it better, really. Get over her. That's the cold, callous answer, because there's no emotionally appealing one. I crushed on my best friend's girlfriend for years. He never knew what to say to her, so he came to me to tell him what he needed to say. Because everything I told him was how I felt, she was hearing my emotions coming from a different mouth, one that didn't feel them. Ever read Cyrano de Bergerac? That was me, minus the big nose of course.

I always made sure to stay away from her, because I knew we'd be friends if we talked. This year, he left for a boarding school, but they stayed together. In the meantime, I tried my best to push her away, but I couldn't do it and she wouldn't budge. We became really fast friends. Really soon, we were best friends.

In a nutshell, I became the emotional fulfillment part of the relationship, he became the physical half. I knew this all along and it killed me. I already have some kind of depression, so this only made things worse. I started having panic attacks in school, once while driving in the Driver's Ed car with other cars on the street.

Then, the only thing that could have made things worse happened. He broke up with her, there was a lot of drama with the mess, and she turned to me for support. So I did. And things only got worse. She looked like things were getting better, bit by bit, and she was talking about this guy she wanted to date. I kind of knew it wasn't me, so I kind of stepped back. Then she found out her ex (my best friend) had lied about a few "minor" details of the breakup.

We got talking on the same school trip we were on and I figured "what the Hell? It can only make things better." So I told her how I felt. Then we talked more and we kind of figured that we were a little more than friends by that point.

The above does not happen on a regular basis. It isn't entirely a good thing. I lost my best friend in the deal. She's afraid that we'll end up being the same person deep down. I am too. My choice was the wrong one at every decision point and I still got lucky like crazy. In all probability, do not try this. It doesn't work.

Instead, step back. Don't talk to her as much. You're becoming the emotionally fulfilling part of a different couple's relationship. It's gonna hurt, but you've got a choice: break them up and take her or step back and find someone else. I can tell you, even having had no part in my best friend's breakup, it's not a good call to take the girl after.

tl;dr
Find someone else. Not only is she taken, she's taken by your best friend. As long as you keep doing things for her, she'll not see how he is. When you stop buying her things and making life easy, she could see the light and realize she likes you. If not, big whoop. Either way, you're saving yourself time, money, and heartache.
#29
Quote by Mr.-Bungle
Time to open that new bottle of vodka...


If you're going to do that, go outside for a walk and listen to some music; don't sit and your computer, you might end up sending her a message or something that you'll end up regretting later on.
#30
Quote by MadClownDisease
I
I slept with her and never told him until they broke up and she did. Now you'd think that sounds like the most terrible thing ever, but it was all fine actually... He's clearly a much better friend than I am that he'd just forgive me like that.
But don't worry, I would do and have done the same when my dear lass cheated.


This reminded me of a French comedy movie in which a character confesses to another character about fornicating with his wife...

"You had sex with my wife? Me too! We're even."

...

On topic: TS, +1 to moving on.

DirtEdit:
Quote by Geldin
This was my case. There's no way to make it better, really. Get over her. That's the cold, callous answer, because there's no emotionally appealing one. I crushed on my best friend's girlfriend for years. He never knew what to say to her, so he came to me to tell him what he needed to say. Because everything I told him was how I felt, she was hearing my emotions coming from a different mouth, one that didn't feel them. Ever read Cyrano de Bergerac? That was me, minus the big nose of course.


So, you have Cyrano's epic wit?
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Last edited by DirtyMakik at Jun 20, 2010,
#31
MadClownDisease: Woah dude. You've had a experience on both sides of the story. Kudos for keeping a sane mind through all of it. I've never been in a relationship before I'm not a very open person. I have to admit with the rational side of my former self (pre-"Crush") that the greener grass theory you have. Is completey right. Although even if she did come on to me in the dire times of their relationship, I'd still probably try and help them out with it. It would kill me in the mean time but I couldn't betray him like that.

This all just screwed up. But man you shun a light in a place I have honestly not looked before. Thank you.

Still.. I need that vodka.
#32
You could talk to her about it, but then I suppose it would put a lot of unfair pressure on her and your friends relationship. Hmmmm, it's quite a pickle you're in. I suggest you just go with what everyone else is saying. Try and find someone and keep your head up, wait a while and your feelings should pass. Good luck.
#33
Okay, here's how to make it work.

1. Have sex with her and knock her up.
2. Get her to lie about it to her boyfriend.
3. Continue to act like there's nothing going on to your best friend.
4. Join a show choir to spend more time and seem more appealing to her.
5. Tell your best friend you're the father.
6. Get into a big fight.
7. Find success at the show choir competition which brings you closer together.
8. Finally, everything is okay between the three of you.
9. Live happily ever after (until next season).
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#34
Quote by henza_x
Sounds to me like I know you wish that you had Jessie's Girl!



YOU STOLE MY THUNDER!

honestly though dude, play it out a little bit and see where things go, if their relationship is on the rocks that badly, it shouldn't be too long until it falls apart. When it does, I say wait it out like a month or so so that the proverbial dust can settle a litte bit, then make your move. That way, there would be less bad blood between you and the two other parties.
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#35
Quote by Mr.-Bungle
Bas

Well after some major doubt in the relationship she got a holed of my cell number and begun texting me to find out what was going on in the boy end of the problem they were having. I've been known to help a lot of people when it comes to relationships.. I'm basically the "Go to guy" so to say. But she didn't know that at the time, So we talked and talked for 2 weeks and ended up feeling like we knew each other for 2 years.

She flirts a lot but she's very innocent; She's only 17 and is very wholesome. We write letter to each other because its cute, I buy her stuff and all the jazz which my best friend doesn't. He's dumb and very selfish, but he's a simple guy. I'm the brains and cold hearted mofo out of the two. I've never really "Liked" anyone before. It's ironic that all these people come to me for advice when I have never even experienced ANY of the things they bring up...


Well here it is. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn be with him. You need to cease the contact. Stop letting a woman control how you feel. Also, seriously stop listening to her problems, you are the friend that listens. You sir, are in the friendzone. Also, never go for girl who has bf period, because the shit youre in now, is what happens. Either cease contact and focus on yourself, over accept your the friend. AND STOP BUYING SHIT FOR HER. You are not her bf, just stop ok. Don do it, save you money. You will thank me for that latter on, just for love of all that is holy , just dont do it.
"Music became a healer for me. And I learned to listen with all my being. I found that it could wipe away all the emotions of fear and confusion relating to my family." Eric Clapton
#36
Geldin: Your right man. I can't do it. I can't. I have to give her away. Thanks for telling me your scenario. Really man, Thanks

Echohead: HAHAHAHA good thinking man very good. Wise man you are.

seemeel: Hahahah its like Glee or something hahahaah..

I really appreciate the mood lifters in this thread guys. (Atleast I hope thats your intentions)
#37
Quote by DirtyMakik
So, you have Cyrano's epic wit?


I won't say I have it, but my friends are rarely not amused when I'm around.

[GELDIT]
Quote by Mr.-Bungle
Your right man. I can't do it. I can't. I have to give her away. Thanks for telling me your scenario. Really man, Thanks


You're not giving her away; you never had her. In a sense, you're taking yourself back from her. It's not gonna feel good when you do, especially at first. But it's the only safe call. And if she decides that she liked having your attention around, she'll have to choose. Who knows? You could end up getting a very small shot of pure, unadulterated luck. By the sounds of it, you're due for one any day now.
Last edited by Geldin at Jun 20, 2010,
#38
Quote by Mr.-Bungle
seemeel: Hahahah its like Glee or something hahahaah..

I really appreciate the mood lifters in this thread guys. (Atleast I hope thats your intentions)

Well, we try.

Also, I forgot to mention before: you will need to shave your head into a mohawk. This is crucial for my plan to succeed.
Marshall amplifiers are the truest purveyors of rock and roll known to man.

"And give a man an amplifier and a synthesizer, and he doesn't become whoever, you know. He doesn't become us."

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#40
Quote by Cianyx
Disposable makes them sound like prostitutes


Well yes, but longer term, and much more expensive. It's not my fault a lot of women have very little honor and respect for a true bond, nor that they put much into finding something a lilttle deeper than just banging . But as I said, applies to men also to a smaller extent. But don't get me wrong, there's always better people that create a minority of "love makers" ...
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