#1
Freaking out is the best part
You know my name and I know yours
Instant kill in the cardboard
Controlling all my needs

I feel so sick
I feel so sick
I feel so ****ing sick
This bridge is falling down

Human nature collapse
Just like a wall of broken wood
Keep it up from the start
You know what you’ll expect

I feel so sick
I feel so cloudy
Get my needs
Or wait

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the rhythm
Break, break, break, break, breakdown

You know what you’ll need
#2


I think that would be much kinder than what I think of your song. Everything I have to say would be cruel. I can't give constructive criticism because everything here is awful.

Try again - really, I mean it. Don't give up, no matter what people say about your writing.
Quote by Skibolky
No one can really fuck with the power of empathy.
Last edited by Aeolian Harmony at Jun 21, 2010,
#3
Quote by Aeolian Harmony


I think that would be much kinder than what I think of your song. Everything I have to say would be cruel. I can't give constructive criticism because everything here is awful.

Try again - really, I mean it. Don't give up, no matter what people say about your writing.



Sorry bro, but this ^^^^

We're not trying to discourage you from writing, we're trying to encourage you to be the best you can be at it. Start with a simple core concept, build up around it, and then add wordplay and descriptiveness (your peice lacks these and the steps necessary to implement them).

Im sorry, but I had to say it bro. Better luck next time :/
Too lazy to come up with a clever or relevant sig.
#5
reminds me of deftones.
only because of;
"I feel so sick
I feel so sick
I feel so ****ing sick"
which is really close,
to their song lotion.

i'm indifferent to this song.
i think it needs work,
but i can't write,
worth a ****,
so i wouldn't take,
my advice to seriously.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.