#1
This one has three different aspects. First is on a personal level, second is professional, third is public, all of which are from the perspective of a fallen soldier before and after death.

Sitting alone,
Just me and my thoughts
Reading the words from
The battle we fought.
I watched the fear,
The first time I died,
Fuel the hate, kill the love,
Bury me with the lie.

From within the mirror I see
The life that was not possible.
I take my seat and watch the lust
Submerge the dream that’s plausible.
Dead and gone, my heart lies still
While the shock holds true.
The world moves forward without me,
Thoughtless towards what I’ve been through.

Night and day,
I waited for my time,
Waited for the word
To find the plot sublime.
Oblivious, I walk
Into the ambush site.
Flash of red, cloud of dust,
On the ground, lost the fight.

From within the mirror I see
The life that was not possible.
I take my seat and watch the lust
Submerge the dream that’s plausible.
Dead and gone, my heart lies still
While the shock holds true.
The world moves forward without me,
Thoughtless towards what I’ve been through.

(Spoken Word)
I’m set in hindsight, watching the masses of carbon copies walk their daily lives in blissful ignorance as my brothers and I have fallen as ash from the end of a cigarette. They exercise their right to ridicule us for doing our job whether we believe in the cause or not. After all, it’s not about the orders set forth but our obedience to them (it's not the reason why, but to do and die). In the end….

(Singing)
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing,
Are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

From within the mirror I see
The life that was not possible.
I take my seat and watch the lust
Submerge the dream that’s plausible.
Dead and gone, my heart lies still
While the shock holds true.
The world moves forward without me,
Thoughtless towards what I’ve been through.

C4C?
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
Last edited by Sewn Up at Jun 23, 2010,
#2
very nice.
hit's a little to close to home,
as i have several close,
friends who joined,
the military for some,
****ing reason.

gave me chills.
/word.
i am the lamb.
point me to the slaughter.
#3
I know quite a few men overseas as well. I am also in the military, however not one that goes overseas and fights with a decent chance of dying in the process. Instead, I stay home on our soil and work to save lives rather than take them because someone thinks it might be a good idea. Nonetheless, I understand very well their feelings on the subject, especially the fear of what they're walking into, what's going on at home, and the disrespect that a lot of people have toward what they do. I thought it would be a good idea to do something to bring those ideas out.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#5
I usually break out a Crit on stanza but I really have nothing to breakdown on this. I can say I like this just the way you wrote it.

The first four stanzas I'm really liking though. Not to say I don't like the rest as well

If you want to C4C, just pick one in my sig
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

C4C - Songwriting and Lyrics

- Hung Up on You -
- Apathy Unending -
#7
Excellent idea, messing with perspective is cool, I love to do it myself...but watch the mixing of perspective within the verses..

Sitting alone,
Just me and my thoughts
Reading the words from
The battle we (I) fought.
#8
Quote by jabbertooth
Excellent idea, messing with perspective is cool, I love to do it myself...but watch the mixing of perspective within the verses..

Sitting alone,
Just me and my thoughts
Reading the words from
The battle we (I) fought.


I understand what you're saying, however I wrote that way intentionally because each segment holds a different aspect of what the soldier is dealing with. The first verse is about him reading a letter from his loved one saying she doesn't think it will work anymore and later sends a video of her cheating. The second verse is obviously him getting sent into an ambush and getting killed. The spoken word segment, just as obvious, is his perspective on the general public of the US towards the conflict overseas and what the soldiers are doing. If you read it even more carefully, you will notice that the chorus takes on the meaning of whatever the verse was before it. Everything I wrote was intentional.
Some people just wanna watch the world burn. Wanna join me when I take my turn to pour the gas, light the match, see your world flip upside down and drop until it's inside out?
#9
Wow, I love this. I can see exactly where you're coming from with the lyrics. My personal favorite part is where the spoken word part is. I can see it being kinda of like Rise Against, I'm not sure if that was what you were going for but it's alot like how they write.
Message me if you ever get this recorded, I'd love to hear how this pans out.